


Come Sail Away

by GoodShipsDontSink



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Childhood Friends, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Lesbian AU, Love Triangles, Multi, Other, These tags make it seem sad but I swear it's not that bad, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-03-10 19:20:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13508115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodShipsDontSink/pseuds/GoodShipsDontSink
Summary: Tracy and Jason.The names just flowed off of the tongue as smooth as silk, because growing up, if there was one, the other wasn’t far behind.  Practically attached at the hip since they were six, Tracy Mattel and Jason Dardo were best friends by the very definition of the term.Until they weren't.  Cut to Trixie Mattel's senior year of High School, one she's hoping to just be done with.  That is, until a new face arrives from a new country, and steals her attention- and her heart.  But Trixie may not be the only one who feels that way towards the new student.When Trixie's Russian crush befriends Trixe's ex-best friend, Trixie will have to face her past, and question what it means for her future.





	1. PROLOGUE: I’m Sailing Away

Tracy and Jason.

 

The names just flowed off of the tongue as smooth as silk, because growing up, if there was one, the other wasn’t far behind.  Practically attached at the hip since they were six, Tracy Mattel and Jason Dardo were best friends by the very definition of the term. 

 

When Tracy moved into her new house at age six, she was too young to be upset about missing her “old friends” in wisconsin, and was more excited to get to know the boy who lived next door, despite him scowling when their parents introduced the two kids to each other.  At a newer, bigger house in Atlanta, young Tracy was ready to take on the world, and grade one, but didn’t quite realize what changing from homeschooling to a real school would entail.  Namely, bullies, who surprised Tracy by making fun of her in any form possible, from her chubby-kid status, to her slight mid-western accent.  Even more surprising though, when the rude boy from next door was the one to defend her, telling the  bullies that they were “jackasses who weren’t competent enough to load a dishwasher never mind handle bookkeeping.” (When Tracy asked later, he said he’d heard his mom say it to his dad when they were fighting, and it seemed to make his dad upset, so it was a good enough insult for him).  When Tracy thanked him, he gave her a small smile that was just a quirk of his lip, which she would later come to recognize as a genuine smile, reserved only for people that he cared about.

 

From that day forth the two were inseparable, doing anything and everything together.  Jason was at Tracy’s house more than his own, and everyday was a playdate for the two kids.  As they progressed through elementary school, they remained as close as ever, and when Tracy would try a little makeup for the first time, Jason was right next to her, trying his own.  When the other boys at school would notice that Jason had left a smidge of mascara on for school, Tracy would be at their necks, and a teacher would need to seperate them, lest she do any real damage.  

 

He trusted her with everything.

 

She trusted him with everything.

 

When Jason’s mom had forced him to chop off his shoulder length waves that he was rocking in grade five to a “normal boy” haircut, Tracy had held him while he cried, rubbing his back on the couch and reminding him that it was okay, because hair grows back. Mrs. Mattel made them hot chocolate, telling him that he looked handsome with short hair as well.  And when through wet eyes and a choked voice he looked up and said,  _ “beautiful. I want to look beautiful, not handsome.”   _ She nodded immediately, and sat down next to him, telling him that he looks beautiful, and will look beautiful no matter what.

 

In grade six, when Trixie dropped out of the dance class they both took, so she could take singing and guitar lessons, Jason supported her wholeheartedly.  And when she bombed her first recital, and swore off music forever, Jason nodded sympathetically and helped her design her guitar to look like Dolly Parton memorabilia, so she could hang it in her room instead of play it.

 

When grade seven rolled around and Tracy was devout to smearing bright pink on her eyelids from her  _ Trixie Pixie Shimmer  _ eyeshadow palette, a welcome nickname was introduced.  From then on, she was Trixie.  When Jason had found out (hair hanging to just the bottom of his ears) he had gave her his special half-smile, and said it suited her.  

 

By grade eight, Trixie had a basic understanding of puberty (as it hit her pretty fucking hard), and she was a more than a little self-conscious about her new body, larger-than-average breasts protruding from her chest, and thick thighs and a larger butt than most girls in her grade.  Afraid of the jeering that would come, reminiscent of her childhood, she covered up a lot of the time, because really the only person she felt comfortable around was Jason.  And when they would go to the mall together, and people would stare at her like a piece of meat, Jason would be the first one to send one of his ‘dead bitch’ glares at them, and ask them kindly to fuck off. 

 

He always had her back.

 

And she always had his.

 

_ “This won’t end next year, right?” _

_ Jason looked up from his nails that he was meticulously painting and raised an eyebrow, visibly irritated that Trixie was interrupting his concentration. _

_ “What won’t end?”  He asked, not hiding his agitation or confusion. _

_ “Our friendship”, rushes Trixie, “just because we’re in high school, our friendship won’t end, right?”  Seeing that Trixie was serious, Jason set down his nail polish brush and looked her in the eye.  It was their annual boxing day sleepover in the winter break of grade eight, and Jason had no idea how this thought had come about for Trixie.  He could see the real fear in her eyes so he sighed and grabbed her hands. _

_ “Tracy Barbara Mattel-” _

_ “That is not my middle na-” _

_ “I promise you that just because we are going to a new school with new people, does not mean our friendship will end, okay?” _

_ “Yeah, but-” _

_ “No buts!  Okay?  Next year we will be capital “F” Fierce queens who will dominate high school.  If we’ve got each other, we’ve got nothing to worry about, right?”  Trixie took a minute before responding, and she smiled at her friend weakly. _

_ “Right.  Trixie and Jason: High School Edition.”  She said, grinning.  He smiled back, but it was strained, his flinch at his name subtle, but Trixie picked up on it, because of course she did.   Her eyebrows furrowed as he muttered something about nail polish on his pants and got up to go to the bathroom, leaving Trixie confused and worried.  What was changing in their dynamic? _

 

Trixie had always, to an extent, been able to appreciate the fact that Jason was a boy, an objectively attractive one at that, and she was a girl, so many people assumed the girl should date the boy, simple as that.  But she was not a regular girl.  And Jason wasn’t a regular boy, she knew that, and with all of his recent jitters at any use of his name, Trixie was concerned there was more than he let on, because any time Trixie brought it up, he would shut her down and walk away.

 

Trixie wanted to imagine dating Jason, she really did, but it was confusing her, to have such strong feelings towards her best friend, especially after coming out as possibly-lesbian to him the previous summer before grade eight.  Her weird summer of too-long glances with her summer camp friend Max, that led to a small kiss between the two girls outside the cabins at night that left her burning.  She had told Jason she was maybe-gay once she got home, and he had accepted her immediately.  Was he second guessing now?  Not wanting to enter high school being known as the friend of the weird Dolly Parton lookalike half-lesbo?  She decided that maybe she was overreacting, and stashed her weird attraction to Jason in the back of her mind, hoping to forget about it and be able to move on with her life.

 

The remainder of the eighth grade year was the oddest one, to say the least.  As Trixie became more hyper-aware of the weird feelings she had for Jason, he had been making subtle moves of growing apart from her, something that tore Trixie’s heart in two.  By the time the two of them were “graduating” grade eight, you could hardly call them friends at all, but their moms remained completely oblivious to the invisible barrier that was wedged between them.

 

_ “Stand closer you guys!  God, I have pictures of you two passed out on the couch together after the grade two Terry Fox Run, there’s nothing wrong with putting an arm around her, Jason.”  Trixie’s mom joked as she held up her iphone 3, trying to bring a smile to both of their faces.  Jason put an arm over Trixie’s shoulder and smiled, leaning closer to slightly shorter girl. _

_ “Your pink dress looks great Trix,” he said, his eyes saying something else that Trixie didn’t quite get, but she smiled anyways. _

_ “And your purple suit is the best.”  She replied, still smiling for her mom’s insistent photoshoot.  He turned his eyes to regard her, and it was then that she noticed he had swiped a tad of eyeshadow on, in addition to the light eyeliner and mascara, that somehow looked better than Trixie’s. _

_ “Actually, it’s violet.”  He said, so serious and sharp, that Trixie had to pause and gape for a second. _

_ “Wh-wha-” _

_ “The suit,” he cut off, returning his mouth to  smile, but this one was obviously forced, “the suit is violet.” _

_ “Oh”, was all Trixie had said, and they turned back to her mom. _

 

The next time Trixie saw Jason, he was standing outside on his porch after loading his sewing machine into his mom’s car after several large travel bags for their summer trip “celebrating” the fact that Jason’s dad had left them a few months prior.  The tension between them was awkward and Trixie hated it.  They had hugged goodbye, but that was all, and little did Trixie know that when she would see Jason again, nothing would be the same.  After spending that summer before high school in New York with his aunt, Jason felt comfortable enough in their own skin to live what they had been hiding their whole life.  

 

It was a week before high school started when Trixie saw the familiar minivan pull up next door into the driveway of her former best friend, she sat at the window, quietly watching and waiting to see Jason step out.  But he never did.  Instead, an elegant lady in sharp makeup and a skirt and shirt ensemble came out, shoulders held high, but still looking nervous.  This new girl opened the door for Jason’s mom and escorted her in, looking like she could barely walk herself.  The girl rolled her eyes in such a dramatic fashion, and it was at that moment Trixie realized that this beautiful, dangerous-looking girl  _ was  _ Jason.  Or, not anymore.  She was confused, but would never dream of hurting hier ex-BFF, so she rushed outside to greet her neighbours who turned at the loud sound of her pink converse slapping on the pavement. Girl-Jason stiffened and met Trixie’s eye, his mom shaking out of her son-er-daughter’s grip to walk into the house by herself.  

 

_ “You-you look gorgeous.”  Was all Trixie could say, not wanting to say anything that might offend the girl standing in front of her.  She narrowed her eyes and straightened her back, regarding Trixie. _ _  
_ _ “I know.  It’s better this way.”  Was her answer, and all Trixie could do was nod. _

_ “Do I still, uh… I mean would you like me to, I mean-” _

_ “My name’s Violet.  Any pronouns would be acceptable, but I prefer she and her on most days.” _

 

Trixie had nodded, but before she could respond, Violet had turned on her heel, repeating that it was  _ better this way,  _ but Trixie was still shellshocked.  Talking with this new persona of what once was Jason had given her some relief, at least her best friend was being honest now.  But now that it was out in the open, why did Violet so quickly push her away?

 

Why didn’t she say goodbye?

 

On the first day of grade nine, being the freshmen that they were, why did her ex-bestie ignore her?  

 

Why did she come to school dressed completely as this new “Violet?”

 

Didn’t she know people would stare and make fun?

 

Why was nobody making fun?

 

By the second week, why was Violet the most popular girl there? (Or sometimes not-girl)

 

Why did she never talk to Trixie again?

 

Tracy and Jason.

 

No longer did these names roll off of the tongue like silk, and these two childhood friends were no longer attached at the hip. And Trixie had no idea what this meant for her in high school.

 


	2. Set an Open Course

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie isn’t focused on the eyes. She’s looking at the cherry-red lips, glossy, and pristine, and the freckles dotting the girl’s shockingly pale skin. Other than the lipstick and a bit of eyeshadow, the girl is mostly makeup-free, a contrast to Trixie’s own caked face, and she is taken aback by the breathtaking natural beauty of this girl. She’s shorter than Trixie, in a long mid-shin length skirt with an old-looking brown blouse tucked into it. Her hair cascaded down her shoulders in blonde waves, not needing to be held intact by any hairspray. Trixie’s gaze is drawn back to the girl’s lips which are moving and- oh God- had she been talking this whole time?

_*Click*Flash*_

  


“C’mon honey, you look amazing please smile!”

  


_*Click*Flash*_

  


“Oh my God mom please stop,” protested Trixie, turning the knob on the front door, trying to escape her mom’s flashing phone camera.

  


“Oh Trixie baby, don’t be like that, this is your last first day ever!  Starting the year off right!  You’re officially a senior citizen!”

  


“Mom-”  Trixie started, but her words were cut short by her mom pulling her into a bone-crushing hug, and the seventeen year old deflated.  She put her arms around her mom and squeezed back.  “Don’t worry so much mom, think of the bright side, I’ll be out of your hair in a year.” Her mom let go and looked at her, fake pouting in the way that only moms can.

  


“But I don’t _want_ you out of my hair.”  She paused, grinning. “I want you in my hair forever.”  She laughed and reached out to ruffle the top of Trixie’s head, but the younger girl was faster and swooped her head of hair-sprayed curls out of her mom’s reach.  Laughing, she fake swatted at her mom and stepped back.

  


“Well the last thing I need is anyone’s fingers in this hair, it took way too long!”  Trixie patted her curls to make sure they were in the right place, and her mom looked at her lovingly.  A car horn honked from outside and Trixie twisted open the knob so she could get out the door.  “Kim’s here mum, so I should probably head’r…” she nodded her head toward the street, and her mom smiled, following her onto the front porch.

  


“Bye sweetie!”  She called, and Trixie waved without turning around, focusing on running down her driveway to where her friend Kim waited in her obnoxious yellow jeep.  She heard a door slam from the house next to her, and the clicking sounds of heels on pavement.  Trixie had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes.  Heels to school?  So unnecessary.  As she went to open the car door, her ears caught the brief interaction that was happening behind her, and willed herself not to turn around.

  


“Good morning Violet! You look lovely today!

  


“Good morning Mrs. Mattel and thank you.”

  


“Oh of course! You know, I really think-”

  


But Trixie didn’t get to hear what her mom thought, because she had slammed the car door and turned to her best friend in the driver’s seat, who was currently meeting her with a blank stare.

  


“Morning Kim!”  She smiled widely, but her friend only raised an eyebrow.

  


“Miss me with that cheery shit, bitch what took so long?”  She asked, shifting her gear into drive and pulling onto the road.  Trixie only glanced back for a second as they departed to catch a glimpse of a perfectly styled brown haired head disappear into a van.  She turned back to Kim and shrugged, shifting her backpack to sit on her lap.

  


“Y’know my mom, wanting to document anything and everything.”  Kim nodded and did a sharp turn onto their friend Pearl’s street, her house being the last stop before arriving at school.

  


“That’s cute, did she want you favourite neighbour to join in on the photo-shoot?”  Kim asked, a glint in her eye, and Trixie snorted in response.

  


“Can you imagine?  I heard her trying to _talk_ to her when I was leaving, and it sounded like a lost cause.”

  


“Trixie, your mom’s level of obliviousness truly astounds me.”  

  


“Yeah I know, I don’t want to burst her bubble though, you know how she is.”  Kim nods and doesn’t respond, so Trixie takes this time to glance out the window at Pearl’s approaching house, which was close enough to Trixie’s that one of them could walk and save Kim a stop, but neither of them wanted to.  She sees her friend stomp out the last of a cigarette before slinging her knapsack over her shoulder and running to greet the car at the end of her driveway.

  


“Sup,” Pearl greets, making herself comfortable in the back seat.  She sends her two friends a lazy grin, and raises a hand in greeting.  Trixie smiles back, but Kim coughs and shoots her a look.

  


“God damnit Pearl, I just fucking washed my car.  Thanks for making it reek of a freaking industrial factory hijacked by chain-smokers,” Kim scrunched up her nose and put the car into gear, beginning the drive to school.  Pearl only laughs in reply, unfazed by her friend’s outburst.  Trixie likes their dynamic, though it may seem like they’re constantly arguing, the three girls know that every comment comes from a place of love, and nothing and nobody could break the strong walls of friendship that had built between them.  

  


Pearl and Kim were friends first, and they had bonded in grade seven since they had both moved from Chicago to Atlanta in the same year.  Since Trixie had gone to an elementary school that was around the outskirts of town, she had never crossed paths with the duo, not until the Monday of the second week into high school.

  


_Trixie slammed her locker shut.  She had just suffered the most uncomfortable second period religion class, and with no friend’s shoulder to cry and complain on, she was miserable.  Out of the corner of her eye she sees a group of girls approaching, and her heartbeat skyrockets, and nothing seems more appealing than disappearing into the lockers like a vanishing act._

  


_It’s Jason._

  


_It’s not Jason._

  


_It’s Violet._

  


_It’s Violet and her group of “popular friends” who made the cheer team in the first week of school that she struts around the halls in.  They’re on their way to lunch like the rest of the school, but he way that travel in pack like wolves is unnerving to Trixie who has yet to actually talk to anybody._

  


_She tries once again to make eye contact with her former best friend, but Violet brushes past her without a fleeting glance.  She sighs and turns on her heel, heading to the library so she can sit behind the book racks and eat without being bothered.  But her plans are postponed when her heart nearly falls out of her chest._

  


_“Jesus fucking-mother-bitch-fuck!” She exclaims in surprise, and clutches her chest.  The two girls that had startled her were standing directly behind her, one looking shocked and the other doubled over in laughter, bracing herself on a locker as she snorted.  Trixie reddened in embarrassment, fuck her stupid reflex to release a string of expletives when scared.  The girl who wasn’t losing it at Trixie’s expense raised an eyebrow._

  


_“That was a little over-the-top, no?”  She asked, her already slightly-slanted eyes narrowing at Trixie._

  


_“I, well, I was-uh, scared so, um, I don’t know.”  She sighed, “sorry?”_

  


_“NO oh my God don’t apologize!”  The other girl exclaimed, wiping her eyes and standing up straight.  “I figured you were cool, but that reaction made my fucking day.”_

  


_Trixie startled a little._

  


_“You figured I was cool?  Dear God, why?” She asks, laughing a little to lighten the self-deprecating joke.  The laughing-girl grinned in response and grabbed her arm._

  


_“Of course you’re cool, you’re a lesbian.  All lesbians are cool, it’s basically science.”_

  


_Trixie’s blush at this point was off the charts.  She took a breath._

  


_“I’m guessing you guys were-”_

  


_“In your religion class?  Yeah.  I have to tell you I nearly fell out of my seat when you turned around and looked at those girls, and said… Kim, what was it that she said?”  The other girl (Kim, Trixie presumed) smiled widely for the first time in their encounter, and leaned forward to repeat what Trixie had said to a group of homophobic girls in her religion class who had been harassing her for looking ‘a little faggy’._

  


_“Well I am gay, so you can either lick my clit or get out of my pussy.”  This led the other girl to shriek in hysterics and grab onto Trixie’s arm._

  


_“So. Funny.”  She reiterated, and Trixie nodded, unsure of where this conversation was going.  She hadn’t meant to come out in class, but she figured that with no friends, what did she have to lose?  Also, the laughing girl was right, it was pretty funny, even if Trixie thought that she was the only one laughing.  Probably sensing her discomfort, Kim, jumped in by awkwardly sticking her hand out._

  


_“I guess I should’ve led with this, but I’m Kim, and this Pearl,” she motioned at the other girl who gave a small wave.  “We’re ambushing you because we also bat for the other team, and wouldn’t mind some teammates.”  She smiles, and Trixie nods slowly, “we’ve never seen you at lunch, and well-”  Pearl cuts her off,_

  


_“The gays gotta stick together, y’know?”  Trixie’s mouth grew into a smile and she nodded again, this time more enthusiastically.  Maybe high school wouldn’t be so terrible after all._

  


_From then on, the trio spent every lunch everywhere but the cafeteria, but wherever they went, they were together.  Kim and Pearl’s duo had a third member, and Trixie felt at home in their company._

  


“What about you Trix?  Trixie?”  Trixie shakes her head and snaps out of her daze to meet the piercing eyes of Kim, who’s regarding her with an annoyed expression.

  


“Uh,” she began dumbly, and Pearl snorted from the backseat.

  


“Of course she wasn’t listening Kim, what do you expect from a blonde bimbo like her?”  Pearl asks, unbuckling her seatbelt and leaning forward, and it’s then that Trixie notices the car isn’t even moving.  It’s parked in the student lot at their school and students are milling around the school, greeting their friends with hugs and squeals.  Trixie softly smacks Pearl’s arm.

  


“Shut up bitch, you’re blonde too.”

  


“Yeah but mine is _dyed_ , you’re the real dumb deal.”  Trixie goes to smack her again, but Kim grabs her hand and huffs.

  


“Oh my good God you guys are actually six.”  She looks at Trixie again, “I was asking where your first period is.  Pearl and I both have physics first, so we’re headed to the science hall.  Where are you off to?”  Trixie bites her lip and thinks.  She wants to go into theatre, so her timetable is always different from her brainiac friends.  

  


“Uh yeah, I’ve got drama first in the auditorium, and then I’m headed to film.”  Kim groans and opens her door, and the other two follow suit.  

  


“Well fuck, then we won’t see you until lunch!” Pearl protests, reaching for a cigarette which Kim snatches out of her hand and puts back in her pocket.

  


“We’ve got class in five, you can’t smell like an old lady’s rug in Mr. Matthews’ class,” she shakes her head, and the three begin to walk towards the front doors.  “But yeah Pearl’s right, we won’t see you ‘til lunch.  Meet us at the spot?”  Trixie nodded.

  


“Of course, where else would I be?” She deadpans, and the other two laugh, crossing the threshold into the school.  Once they’re through the doors, Trixie feels like she is 14 again, walking into this new school for the first time. But this time is different, now she has friends, she’s happy, and is excited for her favourite class to be first on her schedule.  

  


“Alright, well we’ll see you later Trix,” Kim waves and heads towards the stairs for her first class, and Pearl follows her, blowing an exaggerated kiss to Trixie before disappearing out of sight.  Shouldering her knapsack, Trixie begins her trek to the auditorium on the other side of the school.  No more than two steps in, she feels a force being put on her back, and she goes plummeting to the ground, her hands only barely breaking her fall so she doesn’t smash her face into the linoleum floors.

  


“Oh fuck, _chertovski der'mo_ , I’m so stupid, _yebat' o der'mo,_ oh _Bozhe,_ are you okay?”  

  


A frantic voice is speaking fast, and not entirely in English?  Trixie is coming back to reality and realizing she is still lying face down on a floor, she pushes herself up, grabbing onto the outstretched hand of presumably the person who had caused her fall.  Seeing dust on her skirt, Trixie furiously tries to brush it off, not meeting the eyes on the person in front of her.

  


“It’s alright, I’m fine,” she begins, but the person is talking again.

  


“No, it’s not okay, I’m _fuck_ I’m so sorry, I should’ve been watching where I was walking- er, running, and I’m a little lost and I’m really sorry.”  Trixie looks up to the source of the rambling voice, expecting a too-tall-for-their-age freshman to greet her eyes, but she is sorely mistaken.   

  


Staring back at Trixie were piercing green eyes, full of genuine remorse and worry, but Trixie isn’t focused on the eyes.  She’s looking at the cherry-red lips, glossy, and pristine, and the freckles dotting the girl’s shockingly pale skin.  Other than the lipstick and a bit of eyeshadow, the girl is mostly makeup-free, a contrast to Trixie’s own caked face, and she is taken aback by the breathtaking natural beauty of this girl.  She’s shorter than Trixie, in a long mid-shin length skirt with an old-looking brown blouse tucked into it.  Her hair cascaded down her shoulders in blonde waves, not needing to be held intact by any hairspray.  Trixie’s gaze is drawn back to the girl’s lips which are moving and- _oh God-_ had she been talking this whole time?    


“I’m sorry, what was that?”  She asks, cutting her off, and the cherry-lips stop moving for a second before she responds.

  


“I uh, I said I was wondering if you could help me find my class?  I have no clue where the auditorium is, but I don’t want to inconvenience you even more, so I’ll just figure it out or-” She falters when Trixie raises a hand.

  


“I’m actually on my way there, so I don’t mind walking with you.”

  


“Really?”  The girls asks, eyes sparkling as she smiles. Trixie snorts and nods.

  


“Of course, it’s no big deal.”  Trixie starts walking, and the girl follows right next to her, and Trixie is hyper aware of their shoulders brushing.  “I’m, uh, I’m Trixie by the way,” she says nonchalantly, feigning the cool and collected attitude she tries to keep up at school. For a split second she is insecure of her nickname.  Is it too childish?  She’s never thought so before, but now, it’s all she can think of.  The girl however seems unfazed.

  


“Woah, that’s a cool name.  Pretty exotic for Atlanta, I like it.”  Is her response and they continue walking in relative silence before Trixie breaks it.

  


“So do you have a name or...”

  


“Oh my God I’m the worst.  For some reason I thought I had introduced myself already, which doesn’t make sense now that I’m saying it out loud, because like when would I have introduced myself?  When I pretty much assaulted you in the atrium?”  Trixie opened her mouth, but the girl continued, probably not realizing that she was rambling.  “Yeah I guess not.  Anyways, I’m Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova.”  

  


Trixie stops walking and looks at the girl who’s smiling fully now, and suddenly grabs Trixie’s arm while breaking into a fit of laughter.

  


“It’s alright, no one can pronounce it.  Most people just call me Katarina, so no one gets confused.”  She smiles again, and Trixie is almost distracted by her dimples, but she starts talking again.  “You, however, are special. And have a cool name. So you can call me Katya.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty this is the last of the introduction-type chapters, and the plot's going to develop a little more in the next few chapters so don't go anywhere!


	3. For the Virgin Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Before she had moved, her last therapist told her to make lists in her head, to keep all of her swirling thoughts organized into tiny mental compartments. But halfway through her first class, Katya was beginning to consider removing “boring” from the list entirely. There was nothing boring about the blonde sitting next to her, nodding her head to everything the teacher was saying, and tapping a pink pen against her perfectly manicured nails.

Atlanta was boring.  This was number one on the internal list Katya kept in her head.

  


_Atlanta is…. Boring.  Hot.  New.  Weird.  Not Boston._

  


Before she had moved, her last therapist told her to make lists in her head, to keep all of her swirling thoughts organized into tiny mental compartments.  But halfway through her first class, Katya was beginning to consider removing “boring” from the list entirely.  There was nothing boring about the blonde sitting next to her, nodding her head to everything the teacher was saying, and tapping a pink pen against her perfectly manicured nails.

  


_Trixie is…. Colourful.  Funny.  Kind.  Attractive.   Definitely not boring._

  


Trixie must feel Katya’s gaze on her, because she turns her head to catch her eye.  And then the blonde bombshell smiles and Katya feels like she might shit bricks.  She leans into Katya’s space.

  


“Did you hear that we get to perform _Lock and Key?”_ She whispered excitedly, brown eyes sparkling with excitement.  

  


“Sounds good?”  Katya shrugs, the title unfamiliar to her.  “I don’t really follow musicals and all that stuff.”  Trixie’s smile fades, and her eyebrows furrow, and Katya immediately wants to take her words back.  But instead of huffing or turning away, Trixie just leans closer and says with a serious expression.

  


“With all respect and whatever, if you don’t follow theater, what the ever-loving _fuck_ are you doing in a grade twelve drama class?”  Katya bursts with laughter at the deadpan delivery and shakes her arms a little as she laughs.  She knows her laugh is crazy, and it must be too loud, because it attracts the attention of their teacher.  

  


“Is there something funny Miss Katarina?”  She asks, sounding more exasperated than upset, and Katya sputters for a response.

  


“No, I’m uh; I’m just really looking forward for our class production of Lick and Key.”  A rumble of laughter spreads throughout the class.

  


“ _Lock_ and Key,” Trixie supplies, snorting behind her hand and Katya straightens, allowing herself to laugh a little.  

  


“Oh, yeah, uh LOCK and Key.”   She glances at the teacher, who just looks amused.  “Sorry Miss.”  She chuckles and waves her off.

  


“It’s quite alright.  I see that you’re sitting next to our school superstar, so if you have any further questions or clarifications, I’m sure Miss Trixie wouldn’t mind assisting you.  Isn’t that right?”  Katya notices Trixie flush a little from the praise, but still nods her head.

  


“Sure thing.”

  


“Thank you.  Now I think we’ve covered most of the course information, feel free to take the rest of this period reviewing the outline I printed for you, and don’t hesitate to ask me any questions.”  With that note of finality, their teacher sat down, and the class fell into quiet conversation.  Katya turned to Trixie who was carefully placing the hand-outs in her binder.

  


“To answer your previous question, I don’t have an art credit.”  Trixie’s head snaps up, and she squints at Katya.

  


“What?”

  


“You asked what I’m doing in this class.  I don’t have an art credit, and you need at least one to graduate.  The visual arts classes offered are _bleh,_ so I figured that I’d get it over with and do a drama class.”

  


“And you figured that ‘getting it over with’ meant taking it the last possible year that you could?”  Katya softly wheezed a laugh and grabbed Trixie’s arm.  

  


“Precisely.”  Trixie laughed right back at that, and the two girls giggled to themselves until they had both calmed down.  Once Trixie had caught her breath, she looked at Katya again, and she felt the need to squirm under her soft and interested gaze.

  


“Well since Mrs. Visage just outed me as a complete theatre nerd, it’s only fair that you tell me what you want to go into.  What’s your schedule look like this semester?”  Katya shrugged and pursed her lips.

  


“Nothing too exciting.  I’ve got data and calc, as well as this class, and since my parents want me to go into business I have accounting last period.”  Trixie visibly cringed, and placed her hand on the other girl’s arm.

  


“Shit man, good luck.  I hear that class is a pain, Ms. Ginsberg is apparently a total bitch.”  Katya nodded, but was only partially paying attention, since all of her cells had decided to focus on the warmth radiating from Trixie’s hand on to Katya’s bicep.

  


“Uh, yeah, well I don’t have a plan for my future, so I might as well do what my parents want, you know?”  And Trixie snorts at that, rolling her eyes.

  


“Yeah my parents wanted me to be straight, but we can’t please everyone can we?”  She joked, then her eyes widened as she realized what she had accidentally said.  Before Katya knew it, Trixie’s hand was retracted from Katya’s arm, and it felt cold without her touch.  “Shit sorry for springing myself like that, I for some reason have a habit of outing myself in the stupidest of ways.”  Katya went to intercede, but Trixie plowed on, saying more words at once than she had heard from her all day.  “Not that outing myself is a bad thing, because like, everyone else at the school knows and is mostly cool about it, but it was rude of me because I really want to be friends with you, you know?  But then again, if me being gay is a deal-breaker for our friendship, then I guess it wouldn’t have been worthwhile anyways.”  

  


Katya’s head jerked back.

  


“What?  You think I’d ditch you for being gay?  What is this, Texas?  I’m queer too, you ain’t special bitch.”  Katya responded, and after a second of shock, Trixie had her head thrown back in laugh that was more screaming than actual laughing.

  


“Well that’s good to hear.”  The bell sounded and everybody moved at once to gather their bags and belongings.  Trixie lingered with Katya to wait so they could walk out together.  “Anyways, I’m off to film class, but if you want somewhere to sit for lunch, I’ve got two other dyke friends who would be as willing as me to have you with us.”  Trixie’s smiling, and Katya wants to say yes, but her conscience stops her.

  


“Barbie, I would love nothing more.  Unfortunately, I went to the pre-semester cheer tryouts and made it, and promised I would sit with some cheer girls today.  But if the offer still stands for tomorrow, I would love to have lunch with you and your dyke friends.”  Trixie’s smile falters, but doesn’t fall.

  


“You’re welcome with us anytime.”  Katya grins and goes to turn on her heel, but is stopped by Trixie’s warm hand on her shoulder.  More contact.   _Nice._ She turns around to see the other girl holding out her phone in an obnoxious pink case.

  


“Put your number in, so you find us if you change your mind.”  Katya nods and takes it from her, putting in her number with the contact name:

  


**The Russian Dyke from Drama Class**

  


Trixie snorts when she looks at the screen, and puts the phone in her pocket.

  


“Well I’ll catch you later Katya.”

  


“See you on the flip side, Barbie.”

  


_Data Management is…. Easy.  Dull.  Filled with numbers.  Not filled with the scent of Trixie’s perfume._

  


Katya isn’t Catholic, but she thanks God when the bell rings that her second class is finally over.  Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she rushes out the door, already making a beeline for the cafeteria.  Once there, her eyes roamed for the cheer girls, familiar faces that had promised her a seat at their table.  If she couldn’t find them, she supposed she text Trixie and ask if she could-

  


“Hey Katarina, over here!” A voice calls, and Katya snaps her head to see a stout black girl with wild hair waving her arms at her.  She makes her way over, and the five girls all raise their heads upon her arrival.  The whole cheer squad obviously isn’t there.  None of the freshmen cheerleaders are in sight, and the captain and her posse are nowhere to be found, so it’s just five girls.  And now Katya.  They greet her with various ‘Hi’s and ‘Hello’s as she sits down, and she recognizes all the girls sitting there.

  


Jaidynn, who had been waving at her, Tatianna, Adore, Fame, who Katya still had to learn to the first name of, and of course the beautiful creature that Katya was sitting next to.  Katya felt her pulse race just being in the same vicinity as her.

  


“Hey Katarina,” the brunette greeted, giving the blonde an adorable half-smile that Katya couldn’t help but return.

  


“Good to see you again Violet.”  Violet met Katya’s eye, and she held her gaze, smirking at the seemingly sudden staring contest, when Jaidynn cleared her throat.

  


“So, miss thing, it is _wonderful_ to have you with us, considering the whole team bailed.”  At this fame rolled her eyes.

  


“Oh come on, Alyssa has been taking Jay and Shangela out for lunch since she got her license, this shouldn’t be news to you.”  Her tone seems pointed, but the soft smile on her face gave away the teasing nature of her response.  Katya was a little confused though.

  


“Wait, you mean that the captain doesn’t even show up for ‘team lunch’?”  Katya asked, frowning, and Adore shook her head of brightly coloured hair.  

  


“Nah, she tries to be at the school as little as possible.”

  


“And who could blame her?”  Violet interjects, shaking a green smoothie that looked a bit like puke to Katya.  “The whole place is full of burnouts and wannabes.”  At this, Tatianna raised an eyebrow.

  


“Aren’t these also the people who refrained from attacking you when you looked busted in grade nine?”  Tatianna asks, taking a sip from her thermos.   Katya shifted in her seat as Violet frowned.

  


“Oh come on, I doubt you look _busted-_ ”

  


“Oh she did,” Jaidynn supplies, digging into her food.  “She was still new to makeup and shit, you know, being genderfluid and all.”  Katya glanced at Violet because this is new information to her.  Violet catches her eye.

  


“Yes Katarina, I have a dick.  You got a problem with that?”  She asked, arms crossed over her chest.  

  


“Oh my God no, I’m, fuck, I’m pansexual as fuck, so gender roles are meaningless to me.”  The table all hums in agreement.  Jaidynn leans forward.

  


“Well I kissed a girl once, so I might be bisexual,” she whispers, and Adore hits her arm.

  


“Bitch shut up, you were drunk and that was me.”  She turns to Katya.  “Since you’re getting to know us, you might as well know that I am a full-fledged homo.  Girlfriend and all,” she finishes proudly, grinning at Katya.

  


“A girlfriend in _University_ no less”, Tatianna adds, nudging Adore who just smiles sheepishly.  “They’ve been together since Adore was freshman, and she was a senior.”  Adore blushes.

  


“What can I say?  I like older women.”  And the table erupts into laughter.

  


“Well”, Fame begins once the chuckles had died down, “I’ll have you know that I am completely boring heterosexual with a completely normal and boring life.”

  


“Boring my ass!”  Violet exclaims, grabbing Katya’s arm and tugging on it, trying to get her attention.  Katya doesn’t dwell that it’s the same place that Trixie had grabbed her hours earlier.  “Kat, ask Miss Fame if her name is boring.”  Katya regards her.

  


“Is your name actually Miss Fame?”  Katya asks sincerely, and she blushes while Violet grips her arm even harder.

  


“NO, it’s not!”  Violet answers, laughing a little.  “Fame is her last name.  Tell Kat what your first name is Fame!”  The redhead blushes even more and mumbles something.

  


“What?” Asks Katya, and Fame looks her directly in the eye.

  


“Mississippi.  My parents fucking named me Mississippi.”  The table fell into laughter once again, and Katya grinned.  Maybe she could get used to this.

  


_Violet is… Breathtaking.  Surprisingly hilarious.  Quick witted._

  


...And she has her arms linked with Katya’s as she walks her alone to her locker before their next class.  Violet’s shockingly loud laugh is echoing the empty halls at a joke Katya just said, and they stop so she can put her stuff away.  Since Violet towers over her, she peers over Katya’s shoulder at the books she’s grabbing.  

  


“Wait, do you have accounting last period with Ginsberg?”  Katya nods and meets Violet’s eye with a smile.  “No fucking way, me too!  Thank God, now this class won’t be a total drag.”  Katya laughs and her phone goes off, distracting both of the girls, and they draw their attention to the lit up screen.

  


**From: Unknown Number**

_Hey, it’s the dyke from first period!  Just texting so you have my number in your phone too!  See you tomorrow morning Katya ;)_

  


“Who is _that?”_ Violet asks, nudging her side. “I thought I knew all the dykes in the school!”  Katya chuckles, and tucks her phone away, closing her locker.  The two begin their walk to their next classes.

  


“I don’t know, maybe you do.  She’s in my first period drama class, Trixie Mattel.  Do you know her?”  Suddenly Violet slows her walking and she frowns, regarding Katya strangely.

  


“Yes, yes I do.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the plot thickens..... what do y'all think?


	4. I've Got to be Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katya almost rolls her eyes because of course Trixie’s gum would be bubble-mint, the most artificial flavour, but it’s so distinctly her that she can’t bring herself to spit it out. Katya realizes she’s whipped, and can’t wait for lunch.

Katya waits for it.  The “joke” part. Where Violet laughs her loud laugh and grabs Katya’s arm, or where she goes into an elaborate story about how she had had a sloppy make-out with her once or something.  But nothing. She watches as Violet’s face remains stony while students rush past them, dozens of different conversations in their own little words. Katya shakes Violet’s arm.

  


“And?  What? Shitty kisser or something?”  She asks, laughing nervously at the taller girl’s sudden shift of mood.  Violet blinks and seems to shake off her stupor, and a strange expression crosses her face before she falls into step with Katya again.  She catches her light purple shellac nails making indents in the binder she’s carrying.

  


“No, well, I actually don’t know.  About the kissing thing! I mean- yes I know _her_ but not like _that,_ or-”  She hesitates before asking, “do you like her?”  And Katya regards her for a second before answering.

  


“Well, yeah.  Right now, as just a friend, but she’s so sweet, and funny, and like, she just cares so deeply, you know?  I don’t know, I just met her.” Katya trails off, looking down, “and she invited me to hang out, but I have no idea if she’s just doing that to be nice, or whatever, and I don’t want to intrude.”  She finished, feeling a flush creep up on her ears. Violet clears her throat.

  


“I’m, uh, actually good friends with her.”  Katya’s head turns to look at her sharply.

  


“What?”  She asks, hope filling her insides, and her stomach flips involuntarily.  

  


“Uh yeah, me and Tracy- er Trixie, are really close.”  Katya’s eyes widen, and her smile grows. This is perfect!  They could hang out all together, and Trixie wouldn’t feel like Katya was trying to pressure her or anything.  The last thing she wants is Trixie to be freaked out by Katya finding her attractive, and Violet is the perfect buffer for Katya’s messy, squishy feelings.  Before she knows it, Violet has her hand in front of Katya, stopping her from walking any further. “This is your calculus class. See you next period!” She turns and tries to walk away, but Katya calls down the hall.

  


“We’ll have to hang out then!  This is perfect!” Violet turns and smiles weakly, and Katya grins.  “Bye bye Vi!” Katya receives a small wave in return, and then the taller girl is drifting into the sea of students.  Katya sighs and heads into her classroom, noticing Tatianna sitting at the back, pulling her books out of her knapsack.  Katya bounds over, happy to have a friend in this class, and even happier that she could get closer to both Trixie _and_ Violet.  Things seem to finally working out in her favour.

  


_Tatianna is…. Bored..... Unbothered..... Unable to put down her phone..... A skinny genius?_

  


Katya scribbles down notes in her messy scrawl, trying to decipher what in the _fuck_ their teacher Mr. Kressley was saying, and Tatianna hadn’t taken down a single word.  Her heart falls out of her chest when he turns to her, asking her if she’s been paying attention.  She’s terrified as Tatianna gives him an uncaring look and sighs.

  


“Of course sir, my mom just texted me,” she answers, tossing a lock of black curls hair over her shoulder, and his eyes narrow.

  


“Well if you’re paying attention, surely you can explain to us the end behaviours of a quintic polynomial function.  For review, of course.” He smiles, and Katya fears for Tatianna, but her fears are quelled when she answers without batting an eye, or glancing at her paper.

  


“Since it’s an odd function, as the x-values approach infinity, the y-values do as well, but when the x-values approach negative infinity, the y-values again follow suit.”  Katya blinks, and Tatianna looks bored. “That’s assuming that the leading coefficient is positive, where if it was negative, the y-value behaviours would be reversed.” She smiled sweetly at Mr. Kressley, and the teacher looked shocked.

  


“Um, thank you Miss Santolini.”  Tatianna grinned and went back to scrolling through her instagram, leaving Katya baffled.  

  


After a long and confusing class, Katya was packing up her books, getting ready for the next (and last) period.  She glances at Tatianna who offers a smile.

  


“ _Girl_ I had no idea you were related to Einstein or some shit!”  The other girl laughed and tossed her knapsack over her shoulder.

  


“Katarina that’s too much, oh my God!  But yeah, no, basically the entire first unit is a review of advanced functions, so it’s smooth sailing from here on out.”  Katya shook her head in amazement.

  


“I took advanced functions too! Last year!  How come I can’t grasp the simplest of concepts?”

  


“I take it you’re not feeling too confident for the quiz on Wednesday?”  Tatianna asked sympathetically as they both filed out of the classroom, and Katya groaned.

  


“Fuck, I’m definitely going to fail that.”

  


“Well don’t sweat too much girl; you can come over tomorrow after school and we can review or whatever.  I’ll answer questions better than fucking Kressley can.” She huffed, and Katya looked surprised.

  


“Really?  You wouldn’t mind helping me out?”  And Tatianna rolled her eyes.

  


“Bitch, don’t make this into a thing, of course I wouldn’t mind.  You can come over after practice, does that work?” Katya laughs and nods.  “Then it’s settled. See you tomorrow girl,” she finishes, turning and nearly strutting down the halls.  

  


_The rest of the day is.… Uneventful….Tiring….Where’s Trixie?_

  


That’s the real question on Katya’s mind as her and Violet walk out of accounting class.  Violet chatters on about this new design idea she had for their cheer uniforms, and if Alyssa would approve, and Katya is absentmindedly nodding, but is more hyper aware of the casual hand that Violet has draped over Katya’s forearm, leading her through the confusing and clustered halls.

  


Katya thinks she sees Trixie for a second in a flash of blonde, but then it’s gone, and Katya wonders if she’s seeing things.  Violet must take notice to her staring into the distance because she pulls on her arm slightly.

  


“Earth to Kat?  You still with me?”  Katya blinks and turns to look at Violet, who’s looking expectantly, and smiles.

  


“Yeah, just thought I saw Trixie.  Must be going crazy, right? It was only a matter of time I guess.”  Violet laughs, but it seems restrained, so they continue the walk in a comfortable silence.

  


\--

  


The next morning Katya is rushing out the door, barely having time to throw her hair into a messy braid.  She chugs a black coffee and throws her shit into her backpack, knowing if she doesn’t head’r, she’ll be late.  Well, later than she already is. Since her family’s new apartment is only a five minute walk from the high school, she isn’t too concerned, but still decides that lightly jogging to school might be a good idea.  Also, because she had no time before, she opts to have a cigarette as she runs.

  


She rethinks her decisions the minute she walks into her class, door echoing throughout the auditorium, and all heads turn to watch her stalk into class almost fifteen minutes tardy.  Katya absentmindedly makes a mental list of how she must appear.

  


_… Disheveled.  Minimal makeup.  Coat still on. Coffee breath.  Distinct scent of smoke clinging to her.  Untamed hair. Definitely sweaty._

  


Despite herself, Katya grins.  Sure, most people try to maintain a nice look for at least the first week of school, but she figures that she might as well start as she intends to continue.  She waves at the class, and gives her teacher an apologetic smile.

  


“My apologies Miss, I got caught up on the way to school, you see I had to wrangle my family’s thirty six andersoni moose before sunrise, and little Rooney decided he wanted to make like Ariana Grande and _Break Free_ , so I had to run all about to chase him back, lest he attack any passerbys.  So really, the only reason I’m late is because I was doing God’s work.” The class laughed collectively, but one laugh-scream stood out from the rest.  Katya turns her head to the sounds, and sees Trixie clapping her hands in excitement, laughing loud and unabashed. Mrs. Visage just sighed.

  


“Okay then, I’ll fix the attendance.  Go ahead and get settled and we’ll be starting in a few.”  Katya grins and shuffles to where Trixie is shoving a backpack off of an empty chair, and her heart flutters when she realizes that Trixie was saving a seat for _her_.  As she approaches, Trixie is smiling wide, and Katya can finally take in her friend’s outfit, and _woah._

  


_Today Trixie’s look consists of…. mint green capris pants, sitting tight around her wide hips…. A simple pink belt, cinching her at the waist…. A billowy sleeved white buttoned blouse with a mint collar, tucked into her pants… Boobs… Pink nails that match her eye shadow and belt…. Cleavage….. Pink glossy lips…. Honestly how the fuck is Katya supposed to make a list, when Trixie’s chest is right in front of her...And-_

  


“Katya?”

  


Trixie is regarding Katya strangely, and Katya realized she hasn’t sat down yet, was just standing and ogling.   She quickly sits next to Trixie and grins.

  


“Sorry _printsessa,_ I lost my train of thought for a moment.”  She pauses before continuing, “and I must say you look absolutely breathtaking today, Trixie.”  The other girl grins, and Katya thought that she saw a smug expression cross Trixie’s face, but the Mrs. Visage is at the front of the class again, and Trixie’s attention snaps to the teacher.

  


The class continues with a still “introductory” type of vibe, so after a small presentation, Mrs. Visage asks them to partner up and practice small improv scenes with each other, and tomorrow they would do a full class improv session.  Trixie leads, as Katya figured she would, and sets the scene.

  


“Oh dear Katya, can you believe our luck?  On our way to the most prestigious pageant, and our car breaks down in some stupid mid-western town.  Isn’t this dreadful?” Trixie is a natural, and she seems actually frustrated that their “car” had broken down.  Katya is not an actor, and all she knows about improv is that you have to agree with anything that is thrown at you.

  


“Uh, yes?”  Trixie raises an eyebrow.  “I-uh, yes-I mean, this is very dreadful.  I’m so sad?” She finishes, and she can tell Trixie has to keep from laughing.  

  


“There is a town a few miles south, perhaps we could walk there?”  Trixie suggests.

  


“Yes?”

  


“Unless you have a better idea?”  Trixie asks, voice now low and seductive, and she leans closer to Katya’s personal space.”

  


“Oh! Um, well, yes.”  Trixie tugs on a lock of Katya’s hair and leans impossibly closer, so that Katya can feel Trixie’s breath on her cheek.

  


“Hmm, seems you’d agree to whatever I say, wouldn’t you?”  Katya’s eyes close.

  


“Mmm, yes”, she breathes, and leans forward, but Trixie is already swooping backwards, and Katya falls forward a little, leaving Trixie to softly chuckle at her.  Still in character, the other girl continues.

  


“Well that’s too bad; you reek of coffee, so I guess another time.”  She shrugs, and this throws Katya into hysterics, breaking character.

  


“Bitch! I’m not _that_ bad, am I?”  She asks between wheezes, and Trixie is laughing too.

  


“Girl, you need to smell yourself, and then ask me again.”  Trixie rifles in her bag for a second before pulling out her hand to reveal a pack of excel, and tosses one to Katya.  “Here. Trust me.”

  


And Katya, laughs, but obliges, popping the gum into her mouth. 

 

She almost rolls her eyes because _of course_ Trixie’s gum would be bubble-mint, the most artificial flavour, but it’s so distinctly _her_ that she can’t bring herself to spit it out.  Katya realizes she’s whipped, and can’t wait for lunch.

  


_Kim and Pearl are…. Completely opposite…. Pearl’s loud….Kim’s quiet…. Pearl cares little about anything….Kim cares a lot…. About everything… both nice though… good company….also Pearl smokes._

  


And that’s a bonus, as they all sit at a picnic table in a park near their school, and Katya pulls out a pack of Camel’s.

  


“Holy shit, can you spot me one?  Kim took mine for school hours.” Pearl reaches out and Katya passes her one, despite Kim’s disapproving look.

  


“Fine, if you two want to die an early death, that’s fine by me, but don’t say I didn’t try to help when you’re dying of lung cancer.”  Pearl smiles, so this must not be the first time they’ve had this conversation. Trixie however frowns, and Katya turns to her.

  


“You Alright Trixie?”  She asks, lighting the end of her dart, and furrowing her eyebrows.   Trixie shrugs, and takes a sip from her iced coffee, her bright pink lipstick leaving behind a stain on the straw.

  


“Yeah, I just had no idea you smoked.”  Katya’s heart drops out of her ass and she freezes, cigarette halfway to her mouth.  She immediately begins panicking, because _oh God_ does this ruin any chances with Trixie?  She looks to the other girl who is now looking downcast, and is picking at a stray thread on her capris.  She sighs exaggeratedly, “you know, it’s just I lost both of my dads and my older sister to lung cancer, so the fact that you’d want to throw your life away like that, just like, really hurts me, you know?”  She finishes, voice drifting to a nasally tone in a higher octave. At first, Katya’s heart is racing because did she actually offend Trixie? But then she screams her shriek-laugh, and Kim and Pearl chuckle along, and the Russian realizes that this is some elaborate mocking joke, and she can’t help but join in the laughter.  The shock value makes the humour that much better and Katya finds her stomach hurting from laughing.

  


“You _bitch_!  You so had me going there!” Katya wheezes, and Trixie winks exaggeratedly, sending them all into another fit of laughter, and Katya realizes that yeah, she could get used to this.  The comfortableness that surrounded these friends was seeping into her skin, and it felt incredible.

  


_Cheer Practice is…. Long...Tiring….sweaty….full of girls….pretty much any gay teenager’s dream._

  


Even though the team had been decided prior to the start of the year, this is the first practice with the entire team, and Katya is shocked by how much order and planning actually goes into their routines.  Despite her seemingly flighty attitude, Alyssa proves to be an exceptional captain, and the practice is overall productive (even though Katya barely had time to talk with Violet but it’s _fine.)_

  


After practice, Tatianna drives her to her house, and they go over what was covered in class.  Katya still isn’t totally sure what’s being taught, but Tatianna seems to be more focused on gossiping than doing homework.

  


_At Tatianna’s house, Katya finds out… Jay from cheer is gay (but she figured that out already)...Alyssa is scared of sex….Adore is not, and her first time was still in elementary school….And Violet is a virgin._

  


And unsurprisingly, Katya isn’t sure what she’s supposed to do with this information.  She supposes she’ll save it for later, or something.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES I K N O W that it's a pretty filler-type of chapter, but please don't go anywhere because soon we will be seeing things from a New Perspective....
> 
> Also the improvisation scene was somewhat a reference to an iconic gay movie so if you got the (hella subtle) reference, let me know in the comments!!!
> 
> Serious shit though, thanks for reading :)


	5. Free to Face the Life That's Ahead of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Violet hides her disappointment. Katarina likes Trixie, such that it’s almost all she talks about, whether she realizes it or not. Today is Friday, the last day of the first week of school, and over 60% of conversations that Violet has had with Kat are about Trixie. Sitting in accounting class, she’ll ramble about the blonde “goddess”, what she’s wearing, what she said, what she fucking smells like, and it’s too much for Violet to handle.

Violet is always on edge. How can she not be?  Coming into high school out and proud had been a risk, but it was one she was happy she took.  She was accepted wildly, and it seemed as though people flocked to her. She’s aware that at first, the majority of the attention that she was given was people seeing her as more of a freak show than a person, but that’s not how it is now.

  


Now, people look up to Violet.

  


People adore Violet.

  


People are intimidated by Violet.

  


And Violet loves it.

  


There’s nothing holding her back.

  


Well, almost nothing…

  


\--

  


Sweat was forming under Violet’s brow, dripping down her temples, pooling at the base of her neck, and she knew that if she was wearing a shirt with sleeves, there’d be wet patches in her armpits.  The heat of an Atlanta afternoon is beating down on the entire cheer team, as they twirl, kick, and flip across the empty football field. They are almost all in unison, Violet ensuring that she hits every move with precision as Alyssa claps and counts out the beat.  

  


“And one, and two, and three, and Jaidynn, where, you, at?”  Their captain finishes, looking at the bigger girl expectantly.  Violet sees her friend wince and shuffle from foot to foot, tugging on her hair nervously.

  


“I-I’m sorry Alyssa, I just, well, I hurt my knee walking home yesterday, and I don’t want to make excuses, but, I, um, it’s hard.”  She trails off and Violet refrains from rolling her eyes. She loves her friend to pieces, but Jaidynn has always been one to spontaneously bring up an injury to get out of a particularly hard practice.  

  


“Alright baby let me take a look.  Everyone else can take a quick break while I check in with Jaidynn, okay?  Five minutes then I want everyone back in positions, all tomfoolery, buffoonery, and riggory pushed aside.  Got it?” There are some mutters of agreement, and Alyssa takes it as a response, before going to talk to the injured girl.

  


Violet wants to slap herself for not bringing a water bottle.  Of course she can remember setting spray to ensure her face of makeup doesn’t fall off, but the basic human need of water?  Apparently that’s what slipped her mind. Her eyes dart around the field at the girls, scanning for Kat, hoping that maybe she’ll be willing to share.  Unfortunately, there’s no sign of her, and now Violet’s confused, because she was in formation just a second ago. Suddenly, her thoughts are cut off as a warm hand finds its way to her back, and she feels a presence next to her.

  


“You look lost _vozlyublennaya.”_ Violet already feels a smile forming as she turns to look at the Russian who had appeared at her side.   _Katarina._ Sweat is glistening on her mostly makeup-free face, but the red lipstick is still intact and framing her brilliant white smile.  Violet wants to laugh at the messy bun piled on top of her head, and how some strands have fallen out and are stuck plastered on her face.  Jokingly, Violet shoves at her shoulder.

  


“Not lost, just looking for ways to get you off of me.  Why are you so _goddamn_ sweaty?”  She asks, and Kat leans back in laughter, arms flapping as she swats at Violet.

  


“As if you’re any better bitch!  Not to mention that I could literally smell you from across the field.  Girl you are ripe!” She teases, squeezing Violet’s waist and the taller girl scoffs.

  


“Whatever loser,” she teases, no real malice behind her voice.  In the hand that isn’t holding Violet, she spots a water bottle and points at it.  “Is that water?”

  


Looking suddenly very serious, Kat shakes her head, and responds, “no”, which makes Violet raise her eyebrows in surprise.

  


“Really? Vodka?  Okay well no judgement, I like your style-”

  


“It’s vinegar, _kiska.”_   Kat’s face remains still, and Violet is at a loss for words, before the other girl is doubling over in laughter and shoving the bottle into Violet’s chest.  “I’m totally kidding oh my god, it’s water.” She laughs, and Violet rolls her eyes, not able to help the laugh that escapes her own lips. She grabs the bottle.

  


“So- so, _stupid_ ,”  she laughs, unscrewing the bottle, but is quick to quiet down as she takes a sip.”  Violet is painfully aware that her laugh can come across horse-like, so she tries to reign it in as much as possible.  She catches Kat’s eye, but her friend is looking at her with a fond expression, almost admiring… something. Violet frowns and hands back the bottle.

  


“What? Do I have something on my face?”  She asked nervously bringing a hand to her cheek, but Kat shakes her head no.

  


“No, no, I’m just appreciating my friend.  Can’t I appreciate my friend?” Violet raises a single eyebrow.

  


“You could appreciate her a lot more if you sat at lunch with us every day, instead of alternating between us and _Trixie’s_ group.”  She says in disdain, frowning.  

  


“Woah Vi, that was really salty. I thought you were friends with Trixie?”  Kat asks confusedly, and she sounds disappointed. Violet wants to kick herself.  Why had she fucking told her that? She hasn’t talked to the life-sized barbie in four years, and here she was, convincing Kat that they were still the best of friends.  

  


Violet knows that Trixie hates her.  How could she not? But, that’s not something she needs to focus on, not while Katya is standing in front of her, looking almost crestfallen.  Violet forces her best smile and fake laugh, and grabs Kat’s arm.

  


“What? Of course I am!  I just wish you’d spend more time with me-uh, I mean, _us!_ ”  Kat nods, but she doesn’t seem too convinced.

  


“Right, okay, well why don’t you guys hang out together? You know, like the three of us or something?”  She asks, and Violet hides her disappointment. Katarina likes Trixie, such that it’s almost all she talks about, whether she realizes it or not.  Today is Friday, the last day of the first week of school, and over 60% of conversations that Violet has had with Kat are about Trixie. Sitting in accounting class, she’ll ramble about the blonde “goddess”, what she’s wearing, what she said, what she fucking _smells like,_ and it’s too much for Violet to handle.  

  


Violet likes Kat, she’s not going to lie, and it scares her.  She hasn’t felt for someone the way she feels for Kat in a long time, and she’s determined to not let it end the same way.  She’s not going to let her stupid feelings ruin her friendship with Kat the way it ruined-

  


Never mind.

  


She’s going to do anything and everything for Katarina, and if that means bringing her to Trixie, then so be it.  She smiles as genuine as she can, and grips Kat’s arm, decidedly _not_ feeling up the strong bicep under her fingers.

  


“You know what Kat, let’s do it.  Sometime next week we can all hang, if you’re down?” She asks, holding her breath, then sighs in relief when another award-winning smile stretches across Kat’s face.     


“Really?  Oh my God, I could _kiss_ you, you whore,” she exclaims, pulling Violet into a hug.  Before Violet can form a response, their moment is interrupted by Alyssa clapping her hands.

  


“Alright ladies let’s get back back back into our formation, go through the routine a few more times, then you can go home, alright?  I’ll let you enjoy your weekend.” She finishes with a wink, and the girls scramble to get back into positions.

  


“And five, six, seven, here we go!”

  


Yeah, thought Violet, here we go.

  


\--

  


“Fame, darling, I love you, but for the sake of everyone in this change room, kindly shut the fuck up.”

  


Fame startles, and jerks her head back.

  


“But Vi, this isn’t nonsense, this is about life or death!  Kevin is my best cock, and he might be defected!  And you know, I had an inkling that something might be wrong, but Patrick, you remember him, right?  Yeah, well he suggested that we don’t take him to the vet, but I’m SO glad that we did now, because what if we had waited, you know? And these cocks are the most important things in my life, and-”

  


“Alright, Mississippi.” Kat appears out of nowhere, somehow already changed into her regular clothes.  “I have a feeling that you might be scaring some of the freshman by saying cocks instead of chickens, and also Violet looks pissed.”  She winks at her, and Violet sticks her tongue out. “I’m going out for a smoke, and would be delighted if you came outside and told me all the exuberant and exciting tales of cocks in your life.”  Katarina offered, and Fame nodded, tossing her fiery hair over shoulder.

  


“Well, because you asked so nicely, I’ll just ignore that you called me that fucking name.”  She pauses to glare at Violet and stands up. “And yes, I’d love to join you Katarina, as you’re the only one who seems to appreciate me.”  She huffs and Kat laughs, grabbing her pack of cigarettes, then leads her and Fame outside.  


Violet rubs her temples.  Why is she friends with people who talk so damn much?  She finishes up changing, and tosses her sweaty cheer clothes into her bag, but as she turns around, she accidentally walks into someone, who must not have been paying attention, because she tumbles to the grimy floors of the change room.  Violet looks down and sees one of the new girls, a freshman, scrambling to her feet.

  


“Holy shit, I’m so sorry for being in your way.”  She looks genuinely scared, and Violet can’t help but smile a little.  That used to be her, all nervous and stuttering around grade twelve’s, so she takes the initiative to make the leggy freshman feel a little more comfortable.  Her name was Nancy or something, Noomi, or maybe Nada?

  


“It’s fine, are you okay?  You seem a little, uh, out of it.”  She observes, as another freshman runs to her side, laughing.

  


“Oh sis!  She’s just all flustered because a senior she’s been crushing on actually talked to her today, now she thinks they’re gonna be married or some shit. Can you believe? AH!”  She shrieks and rushes away, fondly bumping the other girl’s hip. Violet tries not to wince outwardly at the scream, and offers the leggy girl a smile. This just causes her to blush even harder, as she gathers long black hair into a low ponytail.  Before Violet has to try and come up with something supportive to say, Adore appears from behind her.

  


“So you got a crush on a senior, huh?  No shame there Naomi.”

  


Oh, so that’s her name.  

  


Naomi shrugs.

  


“Yeah, I mean, it’s whatever, it was a two minute conversation, so it’s really not that big of a deal or anything.  Also, she probably isn’t gay, so….” she trails off, looking down, but Adore’s face lights up.

  


“Oh my fucking god, you wanna hear a story about a gay freshman with a crush on a possibly-straight senior?  Oh girl, wait ‘till you hear what happened to me. Walk with me, I promise you all hope is not lost.” Adore smiles and leads Naomi out the door, already delving into the great love story of her and Bianca, and Violet laughs to herself.  Was the entire school population littered with useless lesbians? Apparently so.

  


\--

  


Saturdays were always Violet’s favourite day of the week.  She could sleep in, and when she did wake up, she could spend as long as she wanted getting ready for the day.  Her mom did fuck-all, so she wasn’t concerned where Violet went or what she did. Once upon a time this would have infuriated Violet, but she can’t find time to care anymore.  

  


This morning, she spends an even longer time getting ready, wanting to prolong time as much as possible before what she’s doing today.  What she _has_ to do today. She straightens her hair, perfects her eyeliner, and wears her favourite two piece purple vinyl skirt and top combo.  She pops on her favourite sparkly nails before she leaves, something inside of her wanting to look her best, for reasons she isn’t ready to face yet.  

  


The clock reads 10:15 am.  She can’t wait any longer or she’ll never do it. Her feet move on their own accord, pulling her out of her house, and on to the front step.  Her mind is on repeat, reminding her why she’s going back here, doing what she said she’d never do again.

  


_For Kat.  For Kat. For Kat.  For Kat.  For Kat.  Kat wants this.  This is for her._

  


In no time at all she finds herself in front of the door, and she feels like the giant door knocker of a smiling lion is mocking her, telling her to turn around.

  


Taking a deep breath, Violet raises her arm to knock, but before she comes into contact with the door, it swings open, and a surprised Mrs. Mattel is looking straight into her eyes.

  


“Oh! Violet, what a surprise!”  Violet is startled, so all she manages to do is nod, and Mrs. Mattel opens the door further.  “I’m actually on my way out, I’m really late, you know me,” she laughs, and Violet chuckles as best as she can.  “It’s great to see you again, and I’d love to catch up, but I really must run.” Violet nods again, prepared to offer to leave.  This was a mistake. But before she can say anything, Mrs. Mattel is closing the door again. “Trixie is up in her room! She should be awake by now!”  And then she’s gone.

  


Violet isn’t sure how to feel, standing in the front foyer of a home that practically used to be her own.  The layout is the same, but little details are different. Decorations, wall paint. As Violet walks further through the familiar house, she is hit by assault after assault of nostalgia, and is seriously considering just booking it back home and forgetting everything.  But she doesn’t.

  


She’s on autopilot again, her feet moving on their own accord, and she’s walking slowly up the stairs. She can hear the distinct sound of country music spilling out of one room in particular, that has a bright pink door, and Violet almost laughs, remembering how badly Trixie had wanted that door.  The music grows louder as Violet approaches, and the door is ajar, hanging open, so Violet can look into the room. Trixie is facing away, sitting on her computer.  She must have just gotten up because her hair isn’t brushed, and she’s only in a baggy white t-shirt, which Violet assumes is her pyjamas.  She’s singing along to the music playing, just softly under her breath, and Violet’s heart contracts, but she pushes those feelings down and clears her throat, gaining, the blonde’s attention.

  


She groans before turning around.

  


“Mom, just because I’m still in my room doesn’t mean I’m not awake and I’d appreciate some privacy if- oh.”  She had just realized that Violet was _not_ her mother, and she shook her head, as though trying to clear it.  

  


“Uh, hi?” Violet started.  No backing out now. Trixie gave her a once-over, and her expression was unreadable.

  


“No.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not gonna lie, it's been super hard for me to write the last few chapter because Katya's podcast has been making me emo, and gave me zero inspiration to continue writing. I'm back on track now, it's just taking slower, so sorry for the wait! New chapter will likely be out in a few weeks so stay tuned! :)


	6. On Board, I'm the Captain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie leans against the banister.
> 
> “Give me one good reason to pretend to be friends with you.” 
> 
> Violet hesitates, and Trixie raises her eyebrows, clearly not wanting to be kept waiting.
> 
> “For Kat.”

_“I don’t know if this is supposed to be some sort of rebellious phase, or what-”_

  


_“Oh my God for the last time, I am not trying to ruin your life; I just want to live the best of mine!”_

 

_“Oh you’re not trying to ruin my life?  Walking outside looking like this? Like some fucking freak that I have to be the mother of?  Every other family knows now that my son is some confused weirdo-“_

 

_“I’m not your son-“_

 

_“NO Jason! You aren’t my son, because my son would never walk out looking like this, like some fucking fag wanting attention.  This is why-“_

 

_“Don’t you dare-“_

 

_“Do not cut me off Jason, THIS is why your dad left!  This is why your best friend can’t stand to look at you.  I notice that you never fucking see her anymore, because you probably scared her away!  You are starting high school tomorrow, and you expect anyone to take you seriously? You DISGUST me!”_

  


_Violet bites her tongue.  She turns on her heel and stalks straight up to her room, making sure to slam the door behind her, and sits on her bed.  She doesn’t collapse in tears, she doesn’t grip the sheets and scream. She just sits, posture straight, mind whirling._

  


_Fuck you mom.  You don’t know shit about me, or Trixie for that matter._

  


_She grinds the heels of her hands into her temples._

  


_‘It’s better this way’ She continues to tell herself, not wanting to question if she means it or not.  It has to better this way._

  


_\--_

  


_“Jason Dardo”_

  


_Violet cringes, but doesn’t let her neutral face falter.  She stares up at the teacher’s hard glare, and looks directly into his eyes gamely._

  


_“I actually prefer Violet.”  This makes the teacher squint, and he leans forward to look at Violet, who remains impassive.  After a stretch of uncomfortable silence, the teacher seems to snap out of it, and leans back abruptly._

  


_“I’m uh, I’m not sure that I can-”_

  


_“Oh I think you can.” Another voice chimes in, and the entire class’ heads snap to the girl sitting two seats from Violet, deep red curls falling to her shoulders, and maybe the only other person in the room with as much makeup on as Violet.  Her winged eyeliner only accentuates the hard look she’s giving the teacher, and Violet is impressed. So is the rest of the class, evidently, as a chorus of “oooohs” fill the room. The teacher is still gaping, and Violet sighs and steps in._

  


_“Look, I don’t care if it freaks you out or whatever, but I’d prefer Violet.  Actually, I demand Violet, and if you choose to single me out for being different from the other girls, I won’t hesitate to go straight to Mr. Charles’ office and ask his opinion.”  She finishes, and the teacher slowly nods. She wasn’t trying to be mean, and had no idea that this would start a “bitchy” reputation for her, but hey, she’d rather they called her a bitch than a freak._

  


_The teacher continued with the roll-call, and Violet flashed the red-headed girl a smile, which was returned in full.  This was good. Re-inventing herself was for the best. It’s definitely better this way._

  


_\--_

  


_Violet sets her green super-smoothie down on the table, and the redhead sitting across from her frowns._

  


_“Violet, what the fuck?”  She asks in disgust, pulling a thermos out of her backpack.  “That just looks like mushed up grass. I mean I guess that there’s nothing wrong with that, but the visual, is just too fucking much, you know?  Sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable! You can drink your weird drink in front of me, I promise I’ll stop judging you.” She looked at Violet with pleading eyes, and after a second of silence, Violet burst out into a roaring laugh, then immediately covered her hand with her mouth._

  


_“Girl, what?  You’re a special type of crazy.”  At the fall of face, Violet is quick to continue, “But I like it, I really do.”_

  


_“Hey Mississippi, is it cool if I sit here?”  A new voice asks, and Violet barely registers her presence because,_ Mississippi?  

  


_“Yeah, of course, we’re a team now!”  Says the redhead, gesturing at the seat next to her.  The new girl sits, and Violet takes her in in full, from the leather jacket to the ripped T-shirt, to the glitter on her face, and the brown hair that looks like it was attempted to be brushed, but was given up on.  Her face is nervous, but when she meets Violet’s eye, she grins, and the smile consumes her entire face._

  


_“Hey!  I’m Adore!  I remember you from cheer tryouts.  You’ve got a flower name or something, right?”  She asks with intrigue, and Violet is taken aback with the genuine interest on her voice, not the fake shit she’s been hearing all day from the freshmen trying to make a good impression.  Violet’s a little embarrassed that she doesn’t remember Adore from tryouts, but it was a lot of people, and Violet was more focused on ensuring her penis didn’t shift from where it was tucked back into her ass, thank you very much.  She nods at Adore now, and offers a small smile._

  


_“Yeah, it’s Violet.”  She confirms, and Adore nods thoughtfully._

  


_“Dope.”_

  


_She looks down at her phone, and Violet clears her throat, trying to get her attention again.  Her eyes snap back up, wide and sparkling._

  


_“Sorry, I just want to make sure I heard right.  Is her name Mississippi?” She asks with an incline at the redhead, who flushes to match her hair colour.  Adore just shrugs._

  


_“Yeah, we went to elementary together, right Missy?” She nudges her shoulder, and Mississippi visibly cringes._

  


_“I, uh, I really don’t prefer that name.”  Her eyes flit around the busy cafeteria, not settling on anything.  “But there’s no nickname for Mississippi, so here we are.” Violet and Adore having matching frowns._

  


_“Well I don’t know about that.  Isn’t your last name Fame? Why don’t you do something like Missy Elliot, but, I don’t know, Missy Fame?”  Adore suggests, but seeing the look on the redhead’s face, Violet interjects with her own idea._

  


_“Or maybe just Miss Fame?  Regal and such. I think it’s very classy.”_

  


_Fame ponders this, and slowly nods._

  


_“Yeah I suppose I could just go by Fame, people go by their last names all the time, right?”  Adore and Violet both nod, and Fame pauses to grin, “or you know, Miss Fame if you’re nasty.”_

  


_At this, all three girls are sent into hysterics, and Violet felt, for the first time that day.  What she didn’t notice, however, were the brown eyes staring into the back of her head from the door of the cafeteria.  A blonde girl with nowhere to sit, looking around confusedly. Or maybe Violet did see, and just pretended she couldn’t.  It’s better this way. For the both of them._

  


_\--_

  


_Violet was glad she had moved her hands away in time because her locker door was slammed shut, and standing with her hand pressed firmly to the closed metal was Alyssa Edwards, followed by her two best friends (lackeys), Shangela and Jay.  She had a resting bitch face and talked too much, but in the short time Violet had spent with her at cheer, she had gathered that Alyssa wasn’t a threat. Neither were her “BFFS”._

  


_“Hello baby,” Alyssa greeted, and Violet stifled the chuckle that threatened to emerge.  Alyssa was known for her southern charm, but it was the ‘southern’ that was evident in her voice, as she still had that Texan twang to her articulation._

  


_“Hi Alyssa,” Violet greeted, trying to seem friendly while remaining cool and collected.  She prided herself in not getting flustered easily. Adore and Fame said ‘hi’s from where they stood behind Violet, and they waited for Alyssa to say her piece and move on, as she took every moment to proclaim that high school ‘wasn’t her speed baby’.  Alyssa only smiled though._

  


_“Alright, so.  I’ve decided that since we are a team now, T-E-A-M.”  She exaggerated the ‘M’, and paused for dramatic effect.  “We should sit together, you know? Team bonding and all that?  It would give us some real time to get to know y’all.” She finished, adjusting her hair as she spoke.  With a glance at her friends they seemed to be in agreement, so Violet turned to Alyssa._

  


_“I think that’s a great idea.”_

  


_Alyssa smiled._

  


_“Well perfect!  Get over here then, y’all don’t need to stand around waitin’ for something.  This bitch needs to EAT!” She declared, and started walking, the other four girls falling into stride behind her.  As they walked, Violet brushed Fame’s shoulder and noticed how tense it was. She frowned and nudged her._

  


_“Everything alright girl?”_

  


_Fame nodded to where two girls were walking, one Asian with an excessive amount of makeup (and this was Violet talking!), and the other had long blonde hair, and a lazy expression._

  


_“The blonde one’s named Pearl.  She’s a complete bitch.” Fame whispered, and Violet furrowed her eyebrows._

  


_“Why?”  Fame rolled her eyes._

  


_“I knew her when we were younger.  She would never try at anything, and her grades were still at the top of the class.  She could sleep a whole lesson, and then ace the test!” Fame’s face was getting noticeably redder and it was a miracle that this ‘Pearl’ girl apparently couldn’t hear Fame’s whisper-yelling.  She sighs, “I don’t know, I guess that it’s just frustrating for people like me, who do extra homework, spend all night studying, and still can only just get_ decent _marks.”  Violet patted her arm comfortingly before taking a moment to fix her hair while she walked._

  


_“Well fuck that.”  Violet commented,  “don’t waste time worrying about her if she’s just going to coast.  One of these days, high school is going to punch her in the tits, and she’s going to wish she had your work ethic.”  Fame chuckled, so Violet continued. “Honestly, if you think someone won’t be good in your life, just take them out of it and...”  She trails off as she notices who Pearl and the other girl are walking towards, and shoves away the bitter feeling left in her stomach at the sight.  Standing at her locker, of course, is Trixie, who looks like she might throw up. Violet should say something, or maybe do something, or-_

  


_“And?”  Fame asks, prompting her._

  


_Violet snaps her head and brushes by Trixie without sparing a glance._

  


_“And you ignore them completely.”_

  


_\--_

  


“No?”  Violet asks, confused, “what do you mean _no_?”

  


Trixie stands from her desk chair and smooths down her baggy sleep shirt.  Violet has to look away, because _oh my God_ she seriously isn’t wearing pants.  Trixie squints, her expression still a mystery, and crosses her arms.

  


“I _mean,_ no, I don’t want to entertain whatever it is you want to say to me.  Thanks for trying, but you can leave.” Trixie pushes past Violet and starts down the hallway towards the stairs.  

  


“Wait!  Just hear me out- ugh.”

  


Violet is quick to follow, catching up as Trixie descends the staircase.  They stop in the middle of the steps and Trixie sighs, turning around to face Violet with a stony glare.

  


“Okay.  I’m listening.  Talk, Dardo.” Violet inhales before answering.

  


“We need to be friends again.”  She says in a rush, and holds her breath, waiting for Trixie’s response.  The blonde, however, just looks unimpressed.

  


“Uh huh.  Okay, well thanks for wasting my time, you can get out of my house now-”  Trixie is already turning to head down the stairs when Violet grabs her arm, trying to pull on it while Trixie walks down the rest of the staircase.

  


“No- wait!  Just- ugh- why are you so strong?  Just listen, it’s for Katarina!” She finishes, and Trixie finally stops, now at the base of the staircase, while Violet is still two steps above. She retracts her hands when Trixie turns slowly.

  


“What does any of this have to do with Katya?”  Trixie asks, her annoyed facade cracking slightly to general concern and confusion.  Violet will take what she can get.

  


“I like her-”

  


“Well obviously, anyone would.”  Trixie interrupts, rolling her eyes, but Violet continues.

  


“I like her and I respect her, and I am privileged that she considers me her friend.”  Violet hears her own voice going soft, so she straightens her posture. “ _But,_ for whatever reason, she likes you too.  And considers you a friend. Hell, she switches days between who she eats lunch with!  Don’t you think that must be frustrating, that her two closest friends _never talk?_ ”

  


Trixie frowns.

  


“Firstly, totally not my fault that that’s the case.  Secondly, I haven’t told Katya anything about what happened, so unless you ran your mouth-” Violet scoffs and cuts her off, but chooses to ignore the first bit.

  


“Obviously, I haven’t told her about that.  It doesn’t matter.” She looks Trixie in the eyes to show her she’s serious and the blonde nods slowly.  “What matters is that Katya doesn’t deserve to be caught up in _this,_ ” she waves her hand between them, “mess, and we should just try and, you know, be civil around her.”  At this, Trixie raises an eyebrow.

  


“Civil?  Because earlier, you wanted to be ‘friends’ again.”  Violet winces.

  


“No, okay, obviously I’m not stupid enough to go back to that, but come on.  It’s just pretend! Hell, you could even think of it as acting practice if you’re still about that stuff.”  Violet finishes and Trixie leans against the banister.

  


“Give me one good reason to pretend to be friends with you.”  

  


Violet hesitates, and Trixie raises her eyebrows, clearly not wanting to be kept waiting.

  


“For Kat.”

  


Violet watches the fight drain out of Trixie.  She takes a step forward and holds out her hand.  

  


“Fine, I’ll do it. But _only_ for Katya, okay?”  Violet shakes her hand firmly and nods.  This could end really messy, but Violet is willing to chance it.  You know, for Kat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who updated!!! Finally!!!
> 
> Thank you guys so so much for reading, and special thanks to LoveRoqs and Lulufeca for honestly being my encouragement to keep with this!! 
> 
> This is the LAST flashback-type chapter I p r o m i s e :)
> 
> If you want to chat or shoot me a message you can find me on tumblr at goodshipsdontsink :)


	7. So Climb Aboard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trixie’s stomach turns at the mention of Violet, more than it usually would. She still isn’t over the fact that she showed up at her house last Saturday, while Trixie was in her pyjamas. She tried to argue with Violet while wearing a t-shirt and underwear. A t-shirt and underwear. She may as well have been holding a sign that said ‘KILL ME I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE.’
> 
> “Trixie’s ride ditched her, is it cool if she catches a ride with us, Vi?” Katya asks, and Violet lifts her head coolly, as if she’s about to discard Trixie, but catches herself and nods.
> 
>  
> 
> “Of course. It won’t be too much of a detour.” Trixie snorts and the trio heads across the parking lot towards Violet’s car.

“This is ridiculous.”

  


“No it’s not!”

  


Pearl raised an eyebrow and regarded Kim, who glared at her. The blonde rolled her eyes and took a drag from her cigarette.

  


“Yeah Kim, it really is”, she turned to Trixie who had her school notes draped over her lap, but hadn’t really been studying, “Tell her Trix.”

  


Trixie glanced at Kim, “Uh yeah, staying long after school to sit on burning hot bleachers and watch you ogle at practicing cheerleaders from across the field is _pretty_ ridiculous.” Trixie agreed pulling her gaze back to where the girls were going over routines and performing acrobatic feats that Trixie could only dream of doing.

  


Kim scoffed at this.

  


“Like you’re in any place to talk Mattel. You’re fooling no one with that notebook, I see you checking out Miss Rasputina over there.” She retorted, crossing her arms as Pearl whispered ‘Rasputina’ under her breath and snorted. “Also,” Kim continued, “I’m here because Adore needs help with bio, and asked me to tutor her after she was done practice.  I’m not here to _ogle_ anyone, but if a certain freshman happens to be wearing a certain length of shorts, you can’t expect me not to take a second glance.” Trixie and Pearl both decide to drop it, because in reality, Kim was their ride home, so it’s not like they had any choice but to wait.

  


“I didn’t think you were close with Adore Delano.”

  


Kim shrugs.

  


“I’m not. I’m just top of our class, next to Pearl, but this bitch is shit at explaining anything to anyone. Honestly, ignore her straight A’s we know Pearl doesn’t do jack during class.” Pearl nods in agreement.

  


“Yeah, I don’t know, I just get it? And I find it interesting, so that helps,” Pearl adds, flicking her dart with her finger.

  


“Well, Adore doesn’t, and since I actually do the homework,” a pointed look at Pearl, “I can help with hers.” Pearl shrugs, unbothered, and pulls her phone out of her pocket, a clear indication that she didn’t want to pursue this topic anymore.

  


Trixie didn’t, so she let her eyes wander back to where they had settled before, across the field where the cheer team was jumping and dancing while the distinct shout of Alyssa Edwards instructed them.

  


Katya was there.

  


Trixie could spot her easily, a sloppily put up bun on the top of her head, threatening to unravel, but somehow maintaining its misshapen form.  The dancing itself is incredible, they move in tandem as a team and it’s almost hypnotic to watch. Trixie sits up straight at the sound of Kim clearing her throat.  Trixie turns to catch her eye and her raises an eyebrow then nods her head at the cheerleaders which Trixie had admittedly been staring at.

  


“Eyes on your own paper Trixie,” Kim mocks, and Trixie makes a face, but nods her head back down to look at her book.  She knows her cheeks are likely turning red, so she decides to actually immerse herself in her books, not looking at the girls until practice is over.  It doesn’t stop her mind, however, from wandering where it shouldn’t. Katya with her toned legs in the small shorts, Katya with the bright red lipstick and beautiful smile, Katya with loud cackling laugh than can be heard from across the field without Trixie needing to lift her head, Katya, Katya, Katya.  The feeling of wanting to be closer with Katya is all-consuming, and it makes Trixie’s skin crawl in a way she’d never felt before. Everything is Katya, and Trixie has no idea what to do with that.

  


When practice is over, the cheerleaders are heading inside to change as the trio on the bleachers gather their stuff.  Pearl and Trixie follow Kim to where Adore will be coming out of the school, but when they arrive, she is already there, engaged in a conversation with a freshman.  Trixie sees Kim slow her walking and Trixie realises that _this_ is the girl who Kim has been going on about, nearly waxing poetic about her legs.  

  


“-I just feel like you could have _told_ me earlier, so I could’ve arranged a ride with someone.”

  


“I said I’m sorry!  Listen, Naomi, I swear I’ll walk with you tomorrow, but I’m so gonna fucking fail this bio test, and I need serious help.”

  


“Ado-ore, I can’t believe you’re making walk alone while you get to go and spend time with…”  Naomi trails off when she notices the three girls approaching. Trixie notices her face turn a shade darker, but the girl ducks down to pick up her backpack, hiding her face before she can really get a good look. Kim awkwardly steps forward.

  


“You, uh, ready to go Adore?”  Kim asks, jangling her keys with one hand.  Adore remains oblivious to Kim’s weird behaviour and smiles warmly.

  


“Yep!  And honestly, thanks again Kimmy!  Sorry about her,” she jerks her head to Naomi who is standing straight up again, but now looks like she wants the earth to swallow her whole.  “She’s just bitter because she doesn’t have her G2, and has to walk home alone.” Adore grins and bumps the freshman’s shoulder. Kim almost chokes on her words, trying to get them out as fast as possible.

  


“I can give you a ride?”  Kim offers, and Trixie’s internally cheering for Kim, initiating the first move with this Naomi girl.  That is until she realises, if Kim is driving Pearl, Adore, _and_ Naomi, and her car only seats four, Trixie is out a seat.

  


“Are you sure?  I-I don’t want to be a bother, or if there isn’t enough room..”  Naomi trails off, and Trixie goes to answer.

  


“Well actually-”

  


“There’s room!” Kim cuts in quickly, shooting Trixie pleading eyes.  “Of course there’s room, no worries, I’ll just drop you off on our way home.”  

  


Trixie wants to insist, to cut in, that she lives closest to Kim and deserves her damned seat, but one look at Kim’s eyes has her folding, and accepting her fate.  Naomi smiles widely at Kim and the four depart across the parking lot toward Kim’s jeep. She turns over her shoulder to mouth a ‘thank you’ at Trixie, who smiles in a way that she hopes is encouraging.  

  


Fuck, time to pull up the city bus schedule.  

  


Sighing, Trixie pulls out her phone and is typing into the search bar as she walks back towards the school.  No point in waiting in the sweltering heat of Atlanta when she could be in the air-conditioned building. With her nose in her phone, Trixie doesn’t look where she’s going, so she really shouldn’t be surprised that she runs into someone, her phone falling dramatically out of her hand.  She snatches it from the ground when the voice from above her laughs loudly.

  


“Okay, this time it was your fault.”  Trixie stands up quickly, coming face to face with a grinning Katya.  Trixie laughs in turn.

  


“Wow, way to kick a bitch when she’s down,” she retorts, and Katya shoves her shoulder.

  


“Oh whatever.  I’m just glad it was you in the bleachers!  You sat so far away I couldn’t tell, but it feels good to know I’m not hallucinating.”  Katya shrugs, making Trixie snort again. “But answer this honestly, did you like what you saw?”  Katy begins rubbing her hands over her torso in what is likely intended to be sexy, but comes off as ridiculous.  She moans for effect, “mmmm yeah, you like what you saw, Trixie?” She taunts, and Trixie can’t contain her screaming laughter at this point, her heart soaring at the feeling.

  


“Actually, I think I’m blinded by it, because you made my eyes bleed,” she retorted, making Katya smack her arm again playfully.  “Okay for real, I was waiting for Kim to drive me home, but my seat in the car got taken, so it looks like I’m resorting to public transit.”  Trixie pretends to shudder, but instead of making a joke about how much that sucks, Katya seems to perk up.

  


“So you don’t have a ride?”  She asks excitedly, and now Trixie’s confused.

  


“Uh, yeah, I just said-”

  


“Perfect!”  Katya interjects, pulling at her arm.  “I’m going to Violet’s to work on accounting homework, so she’s just going to take me in her car.  I’m sure there’ll be room for you!”

  


Trixie’s stomach turns at the mention of Violet, more than it usually would.  She still isn’t over the fact that she showed up at her house last Saturday, while Trixie was _in her pyjamas._ She tried to argue with Violet while wearing a t-shirt and underwear. _A t-shirt and underwear._ She may as well have been holding a sign that said ‘KILL ME I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE.’

  


Nonetheless, they had decided that they would do the fake-friendship thing for Katya’s sake, and looking into those sparkling green eyes, Trixie knew there was no way to say no.  So she nods.

  


“Uh, yeah, um, I would love that!”  She forces out, and the shorter blonde grins. She opens her mouth to say something, but doesn’t get a chance to, because the doors open and Violet emerges.

  


“Alright Kat you ready to go?”  She asks, walking up, and it isn’t until she’s right next to Katya that she realises Trixie is there too.

  


“Oh.  Hi”

  


Trixie raises her hand in a half-wave, still a little uncomfortable.

  


“Hello.”

  


Katya intervenes then, adjusting the strap on her knapsack.

  


“Trixie’s ride ditched her, is it cool if she catches a ride with us, Vi?”  Katya asks, and Violet lifts her head coolly, as if she’s about to discard Trixie, but catches herself and nods.

  


“Of course.  It won’t be too much of a detour.”  Trixie snorts and the trio heads across the parking lot towards Violet’s car.

  


\--

  


She feels out of place.  They had pulled onto the main road, and Katya was asking Violet if she could plug in her phone to the aux cord. Violet gives an exaggerated gasp and they banter comfortably, giving Trixie the feeling that this conversation is a regular one.  Trixie sits silently in the back seat, and is surprised when Katya turns to face her.

  


“As an objective third party, I need you to answer this for me.  Do you think Russian folk-pop would be a refreshing change from modern tunes, all a repetitive reproach of the recurring realism that ransacks today’s society?”  She asks politely.

  


“Folk, Russian, pop, what?”  Trixie asks, trying to remember what Katya had said specifically, “Can- can’t you just turn on the radio?”  Violet snorts from the driver’s seat and makes a sharp turn.

  


“Radio’s broken.  But your answer is as good enough to back me up.”  She tosses her own phone into Katya’s lap, who begrudgingly plugs it into the cord.  “Put it on shuffle, Kat,” Violet instructs, and after a brief silence and some static, the first few bars of ‘Hit me Baby One More Time’ fill the confined car space, and Trixie can’t help the laugh that escapes her lips.  Violet rolls her eyes, but taps her fingers to the beat against the steering wheel. Katya is signing through the rear-view mirror at Trixie, making her snort. She pulls faces as she sings shamelessly off key and runs her hands over her face, but isn’t prepared when Violet slams on the breaks at a red light, causing her to lurch forward.  Violet and Trixie’s laughs ring together, and Katya joins in good-naturedly once she’s regained her composure.

  


When the song comes to an end, Trixie is surprised at the soft piano rift that comes right after.  She can see Katya turning on the phone, obviously not knowing the song, and ready to skip it, but Trixie leans forward to grab her hands and stop her.  She sings along to the first few words, hoping that maybe Katya will recognize it, even if it’s a bit of an oldie.

  


“ _I’m sailing away,”_ Trixie begins, and she sees Katya’s eyes grow wide and she slowly puts down the phone, letting the song play.  “ _Set an open course… for the virgin sea.”_

  


_“-I’ve got to be free..”_  Trixie snaps her gaze up to Violet, whose voice had joined hers on the lyrics.  She is facing forward into traffic, but continues to sing with Trixie, “ _Free to face the life, that’s ahead of me.”_ Katya looks dumbfounded between the two, and Trixie can see the confusion in her eyes, that she and Violet know all the words to a song she’s never heard.  “ _On board, I’m a captain… so climb aboard.  We’ll search for tomorrow, on every shore.”_ Trixie does have to wonder, how does Violet know this song?  She doesn’t strike Trixie as the type to listen to forgotten ballads from the eighties.  Then again, there’s a lot she doesn’t know about Violet.

  


“ _And I’ll try… Oh Lord, I’ll try… to carry on.”_ The song continues and Trixie looks at the driver in disbelief.

  


“Styx?  Really Dardo?”  She asks, and she almost forgets that there’s tension, when the other girl grins back at her.

  


“Sure Mattel, it’s a classic.”  

  


The song continues on for what feels like eternity, Trixie and Violet’s voices hitting every note, and by the end, when it’s just the chorus repeating itself, Katya even joins in.

  


“ _And they said- Come sail away! Come sail away! Come sail away with me lads!”_

  


Trixie laughs while singing, finding it hard to the pure joy she feels inside of her.  Katya dancing stupidly to the guitar and Trixie shaking her head dramatically, all of them belting to ‘ _Come sail away with me!’_  and by the time the song is dwindling to a close, they are pulling into Violet’s driveway.  Katya is flushed in the face from singing and arm-dancing, but she turns to face Violet.

  


“I thought we needed to drop Trixie off?  You can’t just kidnap her, you know.” Katya says solemnly, and Trixie snorts from the back as she grabs her backpack and pops open the door.

  


“Don’t stress Katya, I live right here.”  she responds, nodding up to the house next to Violet’s.  Katya squints.

  


“You guys are neighbours?  How come no one told me?” She demands, and follows Trixie hurriedly out of the car, Violet not far behind.

  


“Never came up”, she answered for Trixie, joining them on the sidewalk.

  


“I’m not going to lie, I’m a little disappointed,” Katya comments, and Trixie looks at her in confusion.  “You know, I was expecting a pink dreamhouse and all.” She shrugs and Violet huffs a laugh.

  


“You should see her room.  Barbie’s fucking wet dream.”  Katya’s eyebrows raise, and Trixie shakes her head.

  


“No no no, _no,_ I am not taking you to my room just so you can make fun of me!”

  


\--

  


“I fucking love it!”  

  


Katya admired the bright pink door to Trixie’s bedroom as the three girls all stood in front of it.  Trixie sighed.

  


“Okay it’s not clean, so I’m sorry if you see any underwear.  Also, you are limited to _one_ Barbie joke, but that’s it.”  Trixie says sternly, and Katya nods gamely, bouncing on the balls of her feet.  When Trixie opens the door, she steps in tentatively, but her jaw drops when she gets a good look.

  


“Holy _shit_ ,”  Katya admires her multiple Dolly Parton posters, and the choice of a baby pink rug which she says _should_ clash with the hot pink drapes, but somehow doesn’t.  Trixie half-listens as Katya rambles fondly about what she has that might look good in here, but Trixie’s eyes drift to where Violet is taking in the room as well, but still standing in the doorway.

  


“You a vampire or something?  Do I have to invite you in?” Trixie asks quietly, but Violet doesn’t laugh, and shrugs instead.

  


“Nothing I haven’t seen before, Mattel.”  Is all she offers, and Trixie is about to protest that her room _had_ in fact changed, thank you very much, but is distracted when Katya points at the pink bedazzled guitar in the corner.  The guitar that Violet had helped her design when Trixie had ‘sworn off’ music.

  


“Woah!  Do you play?”  Katya asked.

  


“No,” responded Violet, at the same time Trixie said,

  


“Yeah.”

  


Violet looked at her in surprise.

  


“You do?”  Trixie nods while Katy marvels at the guitar.

  


“Yeah, I do small performances every now and then.  Not with that small thing, that’s for show. My real guitar is getting fixed right now, I broke a string last week.”  Trixie answers, ignoring Violet’s gaping, and instead focusing on Katya who is grinning at her.

  


“You’ll have to show me sometime.”

  


“I guess I will.”

  


It’s silent for a few beats, before the distinct noise of the front door squeaking open can be heard.

  


“Trixie!  You home?”  Her mom calls from downstairs, and Trixie yells back an affirmation.  Katya quickly puts down the guitar and her and Violet shuffle out of the room.

  


“We should really, uh, accounting.”  Is all Violet says before turning on her heel and heading downstairs.  Katya nods slowly, and grabs Trixie’s hand, squeezing it affectionately.

  


“See you tomorrow _milen'kiy.”_

  


Trixie nods and Katya follows Violet down the stairs and out the front door.  Trixie’s mom comes up to find her still standing there, hand tingling from where it had contact with Katya.

  


“That was the second time Violet’s been at our house in just over a week!”  Her mom points out and Trixie nods slowly. “She looks nice, doesn’t she?” Trixie gives her mother a look, who just shrugs.  “It’s true. And that other blonde isn’t too bad either.”

  


“Oh my God mom-”

  


“I’m just saying!  Just saying!” She head to her own room, and Trixie returns to hers, pulling out her phone.

  


**From: Kimmy C**

  


Sorry for ditching you!  Couldn’t pass up on an opportunity with you-know who

  


Did you get home okay?

  


**To: Kimmy C**

  


Weirdest shit.  Yeah, I’m good, but we have so much to talk about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for reading and enjoying! I love hearing what y'all think, so feel free to leave a comment!
> 
> Lots of Love Xx


	8. We'll Search for Tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seeing Katya like this, Trixie doesn’t know if she likes her more as an eccentric and nearly off the handle bubble of energy, or this soft side of her, open and looking at Trixie with intense eyes that hide nothing. Trixie supposes she just likes Katya, and any side of her is something new, something Trixie can be excited about.

Trixie wakes up to a car horn honking.  Why did she wake up to a car horn honking?  

  


She lazily stretches and glances to her side table where her alarm clock sits, flashing 12:00 at her, though it is clearly morning.  Trixie frowns, but doesn’t dwell on her faulty alarm clock. What she does dwell on, is the fact that someone is incessantly honking their horn outside.  

  


Trixie groans and turns over so her face gets buried in the pillow, reaching blindly for her phone on the nightstand.  She brings it to her face and blearily stares at the screen. Her stomach drops as she stares at it incredulously.

  


“Eight o’clock?”

  


In a flurry, she’s rolling out of bed and yanking her pajama shirt off.  Fuck, how the fuck did she sleep in so much? She usually _leaves_ at eight, never mind waking up, and getting ready. In her rush to simultaneously get dressed and tame her hair, Trixie nearly forgot that there was a horn still sounding outside her house.  While she secures her mess of bedhead into an elastic, she sneaks a peek out the window, a sinking feeling washing over her. Her worries are confirmed when she sees Kim leaning out the window of her yellow jeep, hand rhythmically pressing the centre of the wheel.  Trixie can’t make out her face from up in her room, but she can bet that it isn’t a pleasant expression.

  


“Fuuuuuuck,” she mutters to herself, shoving her books into her pink backpack and hastily zipping it up, taking off down the stairs.  She grabs a banana as she skirts through her kitchen, but by the time that she reaches the front door, the yellow jeep is already pulling away. “Jesus, fuck- Kim, _fuck!”_ She exclaims angrily to herself as she steps outside to see the car retreating down the road towards Pearl’s house.  She’s debating whether or not running after Kim would be something to consider when someone clears their throat next to her.

  


Violet is leaning against her car, and even though she’s wearing sunglasses, Trixie can see her perfectly sculpted eyebrows raised in question.

  


“Running late today, Mattel?”  

  


Keys dangle from her manicured fingers, painted a deep blue that match her indigo ensemble complete with a romper, and, of course, wedges.  At least they weren’t stilettos. Trixie can’t help but bristle under her scrutiny, what with getting ready in the whole of four minutes. She was wearing stretchy jeans with a shapeless bunnyhug, her face was bare and her hair a mess, and Violet just looked annoyingly _perfect_ like she annoyingly _always did._  

  


“Great deductive reasoning, Nancy Drew.”  Trixie snaps back, hands gripping the straps of her knapsack.  She should probably start walking now, if she wants to be present at all for first period.

  


She sees Violet roll her eyes and open her car door.  

  


“So you need a ride or what?”  

  


Trixie narrows her eyes in confusion, but doesn’t make a move towards the car.  

  


“What?”

  


“A ride, Mattel.  I’m assuming that was your friend who bothered the entire street with their honking?  So I’m offering. A ride, that is.” She puts a hand on her hip and looks pointedly at the slides that Trixie had hastily slipped on.  “Unless, of course you were planning on walking?” Trixie must look like a gaping fish because she still hasn’t answered Violet who huffs and gestures to her car.  “It’s a yes or no question; I’d rather you didn’t make _me_ late as well, if that’s okay with you.”

  


Trixie takes a tentative step forward.

  


“Are you sure-”   


“Jesus Trix, get in the car.”

  


She did.

  


\--

  


Riding in Violet’s car is significantly more awkward without Katya’s presence, and Trixie isn’t sure where she was supposed to be looking, or if she’s supposed to be talking.  After a few minutes of excruciating silence Violet nudges the aux cord.

  


“You look like you’re going to wet yourself, don’t worry, we don’t need to talk.  And your music isn’t Folk Russian, so…” She trails off, keeping her eyes forward at the road.  Trixie nods and plugs in her phone. Hoping that her all-over-the-place music taste wouldn’t be any sort of deterrent, Trixie nervously presses shuffle.  She schools her face into a neutral expression as a steady guitar strum takes over the car.

  


She sits in silence listening to Jay Ferguson's voice and trying not to think about how surreal her life has become within a week.  She hadn’t talked to Violet in four years, and now she was sitting in her car, listening to music. She could say that it was all Katya’s fault, but then she’d have to blame Katya, and she doesn’t want to put her in a negative light.  Ever. Also, maybe being close to Violet wasn’t the worst thing that could happen.

  


“You got a thing for nostalgic ballads from ‘77, huh?”  Violet notes as the song plays its chorus.

  


“Come on Dardo, this is ‘78.”  Trixie banters back, but Violet shakes her head.

  


“Please, you know how my mom felt about _‘Thunder Island’.”_

  


“Nope!  I’m looking it up.”  Trixie pulls out her phone and switched on data, making a quick Google and- “dammit.”

  


“Sorry, what year does it say?”  Violet asks, grinning.

  


“Seventy seven.”  Mutters Trixie, and Violet laughs.

  


“Eat shit Mattel!”  She teases, opening the window and turning the song up.  Trixie laughs along, shaking her head and it feels like their kids again, listening to their parent’s cassettes and dancing around the backyard.  A lot is changing, that’s for sure.

  


Once they’ve pulled into the lot at the school, the facade is over, and the duo returns to who they were before.  Violet wordlessly nods at Trixie and turns sharply to walk to class. Trixie is thankfully not late, but Kim is surprised when Trixie runs into her on the staircase.

  


“Trixie?  I thought you weren’t here today?”

  


“Rough morning?”  Pearl adds, and she could practically hear the smirk in the voice as she gave Trixie’s disheveled appearance a once over.  Trixie gave them both a blank stare and adjusted the strap on her knapsack.

  


“Slept in late, and you _driving away_ definitely did not help my case.”  She huffed, trying to pull some guilt out of Kim.  She left her, goddammit, she should feel guilty.

  


Kim, however, remained unaffected as she shrugged.

  


“You weren’t coming out, I wasn’t waiting.”

  


“Well Jesus Kim, you could’ve called?  Or texted? You know-”

  


“Wait, wait, wait, Trixie”, Pearl cut in, looking contemplative.  “If _we_ didn’t drive you, how in the fuck did you get to school on time, early, even?”  Trixie chews her lip, not sure if she wanted to tell her friends what had happened.  After the previous night’s car-ride, Trixie had filled Kim in on Violet’s weird behaviour, and her friend had cautioned her.   _‘Just, be careful Trixie, I trust that girl about as far as I can throw her, and you know my arms aren’t strong for shit.’_

  


Trixie’s silence must have been telling anyways, because Kim’s eyebrows lifted in recognition as she pieced it together.

  


“Dear God, Violet drove you, didn’t she?”  Before Trixie could answer, Pearl cuts in, looking even more confused than before.

  


“Wait, hold up, _Violet_ Violet?  Like the one you have the weird-but-sad past with that you don’t like to talk to?  You let her drive you?” She asked incredulously, and Trixie cringed.

  


“What was I supposed to do?  Run to school, only to be twenty minutes late?  Which, may I remind you, was _your_ fault.”  Trixie adds petulantly, but Kim snorts.

  


“Ah yes, it was our fault that you couldn’t be bothered to get your ass out of bed, is that it?”

  


She raised an eyebrow, but any response Trixie might’ve had was shut down by the buzzing of the warning bell, and the sudden bustle of people in the hallway forced Trixie towards her locker.

  


“We aren’t done here Mattel!” Pearl calls as her and Kim break off towards their physics class.  Trixie shrugs to herself and turns to put her stuff away before making her way towards the auditorium.

  


\--

  


“Where’s your girlfriend?”  Jinkx asks, looking curiously at the empty seat next to Trixie.  And isn’t that the question Trixie has been asking since class started.  Not that Katya was her girlfriend. Katya wasn’t _her_ anything.  Trixie was just worried about her fellow student that made Trixie want to melt just by looking at her.  And about why that particular student was not currently in class. Still. After thirty minutes.

  


“No idea, and she’s not my girlfriend, Jinkx.”  Trixie’s hands fiddle with the fraying string around the hood of her bunnyhug.  Jinkx slides into the empty spot next to her and watches as Mrs. Visage opens her office door and calls the next student into it.

  


Max Malanaphy, a slight, silver-haired girl walked primly and the door shuts quietly behind her.  Everyone, Trixie included, relaxes in their seats. This was probably the most important reason Trixie wanted to be on time, because today was the most important day of the semester, at least for drama students.  It was audition day, and everyone taking drama was required to be a part of it, ergo, was required to audition.

  


“You nervous?” Jinkx asks, pulling at her dyed-black hair.  Huh, it had been orange last week, and Trixie wonders when it had changed.  There’s a _small_ probability that she could’ve been distracted. Maybe she had dyed it for the audition themselves, as the main character, Janet, was supposed to be an “edgy teen”.  Jinkx was nice enough, they had done a few years of theater together, and she had always been friendly with Trixie, but it was her boyfriend, Ben that she knew better.  He had stayed after school to audition yesterday, and pretty much everyone had accepted that he would be playing Seth, the male character with the most singing parts. Trixie shrugged and pretended to nonchalantly recline in her seat.  

  


“Am I nervous to go in front of Mrs. Visage, who’s been teaching us since grade nine, and perform a monologue that I could say in my sleep?  Am I nervous to sing a short song, keeping in mind that singing is the only thing I can confidently say that I’m good at?” She grins and Jinkx huffs a laugh.

  


“Alright alright, I get it, you have no fear and no issues at all, wow, we all look up to you o greatest and wisest Trixie Mattel.”

  


“Oh come on, you know how auditions are, it’s the best part of the show!  It’s anticipation, and it’s adrenaline, and I know that you love it as much as I do.”

  


Jinkx shoved Trixie’s arm, still smiling.

  


“Okay, okay, fine, I’m not nervous either, gheez.”  She paused and regarded Trixie. “Seriously though, I believe that you’re confident and all, but you really don’t look the part. And I’m not referencing the fact that you have a literal crow’s nest on top of your head.”

  


Trixie bit her lip, because she wasn’t apprehensive to audition, but the sweat rolling down the back of her neck was a clear indication that she was definitely anxious about something.  Perhaps a certain blonde-haired Russian who hadn’t responded to any of her _‘BITCH WHERE ARE YOU’_ texts.

  


“It’s nothing”, is what she says, and Jinkx looks skeptical, but shrugs a shoulder.

  


“If you say so, Mattel.”

  


Trixie is saved from having to respond, because Mrs. Visage is calling her to come and audition.  She was over prepared for this basically, so she took a deep breath and pushed Katya from her mind and walked over.  She would worry about her after she nailed this audition.

  


\--

  


Did she nail her audition?  Yes. Was she still worried about Katya?  Yes, but her stress had alleviated slightly after a successful audition, and if she’s honest, Katya is probably fine.  She could’ve just been running late, or forgot to “feed the family moose” or something like that.

  


It was still first period, but after her audition, Trixie was walking down the currently empty halls, to go attempt to fix her makeup in the nearest bathroom.  She kept spare eye shadow, mascara, and concealer in her locker, so she supposed she’d have to make do with that. Visage would be busy all period so Trixie’s absence would likely go unnoticed.

  


Humming to herself, she pushes open the washroom door and beelines to the sinks, setting her makeup supplies down on the counter.  She grabs her phone as well and looks at it for a bit, mulling over her messages with Katya, all that have been left unread. Her hand hovered over the call button as she hesitated, figuring _one_ more phone call wouldn’t hurt.  She didn’t want to seem too clingy.  Well, clingier than she already was, at least.

  


She hits the button and waits, but is startled when she hears a generic ringtone playing from the farthest stall.  There’s only one person she knows that uses the ringtone of an actual old phone ringing. She tests her theory and hangs up, and immediately the ringing stops.

  


“Katya?”  She called into the silence and there was no response.  Her makeup left untouched, she walked slowly to the stalls.  “Katya, you in here?”

  


There’s a shuffle from the stall and Trixie hears the tell-tale sound of a smoker clearing their throat, followed by a low, self-deprecating laugh.

  


“You-you got me doll.”  Trixie tries to pretend that her heart doesn’t race at the sound of her voice.

  


“Katya!”  She exclaims, pressing her hand against the door.  “Girl, where the fuck were you today? A bitch couldn’t be bothered to drop a text that, I don’t know, you were alive?”  She demanded, leaning against the door. “Shit if you had the runs or were short a tampon, you could’ve shot me a text, you know?  You didn’t need to skip class, hell you missed auditions today! Not to mention- AH!” She exclaims as the stall door she was leaning on opens, and she falls right into Katya.  She almost lets herself get distracted by the fact that she’s _in Katya’s arms,_ but any joke or smooth line falters in her mouth when she sees Katya’s face.

  


Correction: Katya’s tear stained face.

  


Trixie stands up straight, but Katya’s arms stay firmly wrapped around her, and is she really going to fight that?  Her eyes meet the Russian’s and she looks down and away quickly, blinking fast.

  


“I-I’m sorry that I didn’t text you _kotenok,_ I didn’t mean to scare you.  I just,” She lifted a hand to flap it in the air while glancing up and away, anywhere but Trixie, “the audition- I, I wasn’t, I can’t-” her breaths are getting heavier and Trixie can see tears brimming in her eyes again.

  


“Shhhhhh, it’s okay,”  Trixie comforts, and it’s almost like her hand moves on its own accord when it reaches up to brush a tear away from Katya’s cheek.  Katya’s eyes go impossibly wide and she finally looks at Trixie, really _looking_ at her.

  


“I-I can’t do it,” she whispers, but because of the close proximity, Trixie can hear her fine.  Trixie’s other hand reaches slowly, and cups Katya’s other cheek, and she feels like her heart is beating so loud it could fall out of her chest.  Katya sucks in a breath. “I, I just need this credit to pass, I can’t perform, and I just can’t-” she breaks off and sucks in a deep breath, then leans into Trixie’s touch.

  


“It’s okay, you don’t have to.”  Trixie responds softly, rubbing a thumb lightly across Katya’s cheekbone.  Her eyebrows scrunch up in confusion and Trixie resists the urge to smooth the little wrinkles out with her thumb.

  


“I don’t- I don’t have to?”

  


“No,” Trixie huffs a small laugh, “is that what this is about?  Katya, no, you don’t have to audition, the drama class takes care of the _whole_ production, meaning the lighting and stage managing and all of the behind the scenes work.”  Katya’s eyes light up.

  


“Really?”

  


“Really really.  You can talk to Mrs. Visage and she’ll sort something out for you.”  Trixie grins and Katya looks like she’s going to burst, but Trixie can see the overpowering emotion on her face.  Relief.

  


“Trixie, I had no idea, I- thank you!”  She exclaimed, now gripping Trixie’s sides with her hands, and she instinctively blushes, going to move her hands away from Katya’s face.  

  


“It was nothing, I didn’t really do anything.”  She shrugs, and Katya shakes her head slowly.

  


“That was not nothing, not to me.”

  


And oh.   _Oh._

  


This certainly wasn’t nothing.  Katya’s mouth on hers was definitely a _something,_ and it took a second for Trixie to get with the program and actually kiss back.

  


Her hands reach again to cup Katya’s cheeks as she kisses deeper, and she swears that she feels Katya’s breath hitch and she pushes Trixie back so she’s pressed against the stall door.  

  


It still felt like such a mystery to Trixie, this vulnerable side of Katya who was holding onto her like she was her lifeline, and kissing with enough passion that they have to break apart to catch their breath.  Katya pants, looking at her, eyes still swollen from crying, and now lips to match, and Trixie can’t help but imagine that she looks about the same, God knows she can’t hide a blush to save her life.

  


Seeing Katya like this, Trixie doesn’t know if she likes her more as an eccentric and nearly off the handle bubble of energy, or this soft side of her, open and looking at Trixie with intense eyes that hide nothing.  Trixie supposes she just likes _Katya,_ and any side of her is something new, something Trixie can be excited about.

  


She wants to say something to her, anything, really, about her feelings, especially now, as the Russian tucks a piece of hair behind Trixie’s ear.

  


“Trixie, I-”

  


_*BUZZZZZZ*_

  


She’s cut off by the loud bell that makes them both jump, Trixie bumping her head slightly on the door.  

  


“I, I should go.” Is all she says, and maneuvers her way around Trixie, and before she can blink, she’s gone.  Trixie stands there dumbly as the bustle of people in the hallway start up and she looks at her (still makeup-free) face in the mirror.  What just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S BACK IN THE HOUSE
> 
> Holy shite it's been a minute, hey? I've been hella busy these past few months, but there was a continuous amount of support and messages for this story that dragged me back, and ya girl is back on track! SO expect more from this story because a bitch ain't giving up!
> 
> ALSO if anyone is wondering about my other story I'm writing with my dear friend Grace called "Home Run", or if y'all are hoping for an update on that one... you may be in for a surprise later in the week ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for sticking by!  
> Feel free to comment what you thought or leave kudos if you feel so inclined :)


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